Attacks hit some
marriages hard

The tragedy was an awakening
for some to start a new life

Calls take toll on police, fire departments
Where words may fail, music heals in crisis

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By Leila Fujimori
lfujimori@starbulletin.com

It was no coincidence that Anita Cardenas filled out divorce papers on Sept. 11 and filed them two days later.

"It was definitely a wake-up call to start doing things, to make a change for yourself," Cardenas said, referring to last month's terrorist attacks. "I filed for divorce, I got a new job and I'm buying a new car. It's time to seize an opportunity and move ahead and make the most out of life because you might not have tomorrow."

For better or worse, some marriages in Hawaii indirectly fell victim to the Sept. 11 attacks.

"What the incident did was awaken people to how you might not have tomorrow to get divorced," said Michael Glenn, a divorce lawyer with Low Cost Legal Services.

From Sept. 11 to 25, Oahu divorce filings edged up slightly to 184, from 176 during the same period last year, according to First Circuit Court records. Meanwhile, marriage licenses on Oahu dropped by about a third in the week immediately following the attacks.

An examination of the divorce filings during the two-week period following the attacks showed that military divorce complaints on Oahu rose more than 67 percent to 57, from 34 during the same period last year.

While observers say the numbers are too small to see a correlation, anecdotal evidence indicates that some marriages, military and civilian, have felt the impact of Sept. 11's events.

U.S. Navy Petty Officer 3rd Class Edwin Briones, 22, said he is trying to get divorced before he is deployed so he can marry his girlfriend, who is pregnant with his child, and ensure the military will care for them. He said he married his current wife, with whom he has never lived, in the Philippines three years ago because she was pregnant.

Rachel Matthews, 26, said she does not know what prompted her soldier husband, 24, to ask for a divorce in the days following the attacks. He never told her why he asked for a divorce, but she suspects it has something to do with Sept. 11 and being deployed.

"He apologized and said he can't be married anymore," Matthews said. "He said, 'It's not you, it's me.'"

Desperate for an answer, Matthews called her mother-in-law, who said it sounds like her son is cutting ties.

Military spokesmen said they are unable to provide statistics on divorce filings, saying the military does not track divorces on a daily basis because they are a civil legal matter and not military, and going through thousands of individual files would prove burdensome.

Lt. Col. James Griffith, chaplain for all U.S. Army installations in Hawaii, said he has not seen either an increase or decrease in divorce and marriage.

"It's a myth that there's more divorce if there's deployment," he said.

Stephen DeMien, chaplain for Aliamanu Military Reservation, recalled that during the Persian Gulf War, there was an increase of divorce or conflict when people came back, after "the honeymoon period of reuniting" of six months to a year, he said.

And Glenn, whose law firm handles about 300 divorces a year, most of them military, said he saw a sharp increase in business the week after Sept. 11.

In that first week, he said, he had 20 divorce filings. Since then, he has received plenty of new appointments, and many people who had been dragging their feet on divorce paperwork have been turning it in.

Psychologist Jane Fisher said the attacks may have prompted some people to re-evaluate their lives.

They may feel "life's too short to waste in a bad marriage," she said. "It can work either for or against a marriage."

For 32-year-old Katherine Pascua, who married at 19, the attacks gave her pause to ponder major life changes.

"You stop to think about 'Where am I now and where is this taking us?'" she said.

Pascua and her husband separated two years ago, but bickering over child support delayed divorce. After Sept. 11 they agreed not to fight over the issue, and Pascua filed the divorce complaint shortly thereafter .

"If it all ended tomorrow, is this how we want it to end?" she asked.

Psychologist Terri Needels said it also is possible that the terrorist attacks would have drawn couples closer.

"They may be arguing more, but they're glad they have someone who cares about them even though they're less than perfect," Needels said.