Honolulu Lite


Friday, October 5, 2001

Bless the beasts and
the love birds

My daughter, who attends a religion-based school, came home and announced that the annual blessing of the pets was coming up soon. That's the day when students can bring their pets to chapel and the critters will undergo a blessing. Our lovable knucklehead poi dog Boomer certainly could use a blessing, I thought. But what about our evil attack Love Bird, the ironically named "Sweetie?" "Do they do exorcisms?" I asked.

And now the news:

When Grannies go bad

CANBERRA (Reuters) >> A group of elderly Tasmanian women have bared all in a nude calendar to raise money for curtains for their local community center. The calendar shows women aged 65 to 82 feeding chickens, playing cards, knitting and cooking -- all naked except for hats and jewels.

(This is just so wrong. Good thing the ladies didn't need money for a new building wing.)

Blondes have more puns

RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) >> A blonde walks into a courthouse. You'd think she'd have used the door. Just kidding. Actually Brazilian blonde Andrea Eloisa da Silva walked into a courthouse and walked out with $1,300 after suing her boss for telling "dumb blonde" jokes in front of her and then firing her when she complained.

(What do you say to a blonde with a lawyer? Nothing.)

Cough up the dough

LONDON (Reuters) >> Who wants to be a litigant? A man who won a million pounds on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" is suing to collect his prize. The money was frozen because police think the man cheated, that he had an accomplice in the audience, coughing at the right answers.

(Apparently, a million pounds is not to be sneezed at.)

Weird Web site: In looking for weird Web sites, I found a site called, curiously enough, Weird Websites ( I was a little offended to find that my own Web site, the Worldwide I Hate Mayonnaise Club ( was listed. I submit there is nothing weird about hating mayo, in fact it is a sign of good taste. In any case, another site listed was definitely strange: the Hello Kitty Tetris page. (Type Hello Kitty Tetris in a search engine). You can play Tetris here, but instead of blocks that drop from the sky, little Hello Kitty heads rain down. Weird.

Honolulu Lite on Sunday: There's something ironic about using caffeine to kill those little screaming frogs that keep people on four islands up all night. Honolulu Lite on Sunday looks at other substances that were rejected.

Quote me on this: "I'll moider da bum." Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare.

Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail

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