Rant & Rave
Rant & Rave
TV was my friend. TV kept me company when I was alone. TV put meaningless chatter in my mind and prevented me from hearing the voices in my head. When I couldn't find the light switch, the TV's radiance helped me. When I didn't get enough radiation in my diet, TV provided. I loved TV. TV helps find true love?
Don’t you believe itHowever, TV, to put it lightly, is a big fat liar.
Last week Tuesday, I had the chance to hang out with TV for an hour or two and catch up. Boy, how things have changed since we last hung out. TV now is cooler, hipper and more superficial than ever. I got to see two of its new personalities on Fox, one being "Undecided" and the other being "Love Cruise."
"Undecided" is a show about a kid who goes to college, gets depressed about his parents' potential divorce and, on that same day, meets a girl who finds casual sex liberating, and scores.
I went to college. I set up my things among the paint chips clinging to the walls like hangnails. I sat around bored and got depressed. I didn't meet any girl, canceling the last part of the fantasy. "You're a big fat liar!" I yelled to TV after watching "Undecided."
TV sighed lightly, brushing my comment off its antennas, and then showed me "Love Cruise." This show is about single, horny people who claim to be hopeless romantics in search of love on the high seas.
"OK, TV," I said after the show started, "I'll watch half an hour of this, and if it's good I'll watch the rest and will watch it again when the next episode comes on."
TV agreed.
In that half-hour, I saw 16 single men and women try to woo a member of the opposite sex while trying to find this elusive and coveted thing called "love." They all went on six-minute minidates with each other.
"Don't lie to me, TV! How is a person supposed to fall in love on the high seas?" I sneered. "Maybe they'll fall in love with Dramamine?"
TV laughed and showed me women in bikinis, some with fake breasts that made their tops look as if they were going to explode. TV showed me well-toned men. TV showed me people drinking cocktails.
TV turned serious. It interviewed the contestants and asked them what they hoped for on the show. Everyone said they'd be happy if they found someone to love.
"What a lie!" I yelled at TV. "Statistically, they'd have better chance meeting someone in a big city like L.A.! It's all a numbers game, don't you know?"
TV persisted that it was love everyone was after and showed me scenes of people swimming and frolicking in the Caribbean.
"If you lie to me again," I threatened, "I'll zap you with the remote. No one wants love here, but they'd love to win $200,000." TV laughed again, showing people smiling in the sun, their teeth white and shiny.
"Don't even try it!" I screamed and hit the power button of my remote. TV blinked and faded to black. I once loved a thing called TV. Now I don't even know it.
Nick Wong is sophomore at the
University of Hawaii at Manoa.Rant & Rave allows those 12 to 22
to serve up fresh perspectives. Speak up by snail mail:
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd.,
Suite 210, Honolulu 96813; or e-mail or e-mail, features@starbulletin.com