Honolulu Lite
I'm not as pessimistic about the economy of Hawaii as the governor and many business leaders. Tourists may flock
to Fort HawaiiCommercial airline business is going to pick up and all those people wanting to go on vacation are going to be looking for a safe haven. Hawaii's a fortress in a dangerous world.
Hawaii has more military protection than most small countries. We've got every branch of the military here, all armed to the teeth. The federal building is a veritable alphabet soup of intelligence agencies from the FBI to CIA to NSA to spooky outfits whose very initials are classified. We've got the radar and satellite tracking gadgets able to detect a gnat trying to slip into the state from 100 miles away.
In short, Hawaii is fortified with a web of technological protection so extensive it gives the Joint Chiefs of Staff hot flashes. The Pacific Ocean is the biggest moat in the world. We're not isolated, we're snuggled in a big liquid buffer zone.
And while New York and Washington, D.C., are newcomers to the Survivors of Sneak Attack Club, Hawaii's a charter member. Been there, done that, got the Arizona Memorial to prove it. Some kid manning a radar on Dec. 7, 1941, might have accidentally let a bunch of Japanese bombers invade the islands, but that won't happen again. We'd launch armed intercept jets against a flock of confused pigeons today.
If you are a mainlander thinking about a vacation, where will you go? Europe? Forget it. They couldn't print enough Euro Dollars do make that part of the world safe. Canada? Not in the winter if you are looking for a tan. Mexico? No way, Jose.
Hawaii is going to start looking pretty good to vacationers, not just from the U.S. mainland, but from the whole Pacific Basin. Would Japanese tourists feel safer flying into and out of Bangkok or Honolulu?
Hawaii's got a great product to sell to travelers: Security. We should be sending out brochures, not showing beaches and palm trees, but fighters and battle ships.
We need some new tourist catch phrases to emphasize the state's security aspects. Like, "Hawaii: Packing Heat" or "Come to Hawaii. All You'll Need For Protection is Sunscreen." Instead of "Oahu: The Gathering Place," we should push "Oahu: The Nuclear Armed Place." How about "Kauai: The Intercontinental Ballistic Missile Defense Isle."
Hawaii should also become a favorite retirement destination, which should help the housing market. I hate to dump on Florida again, especially since I was born there. Who wants to retire in a state that is constantly on fire, infested with sharks AND is known as the place where terrorists are taught to fly?
I don't want to tempt fate. No place in today's world is completely safe. But Fort Hawaii looks pretty awesome.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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