Honolulu Lite


Monday, September 24, 2001

Remember 9-11-01

How did psychics
miss the big one?

If there ever was a time for the psychics, seers and astrologists to strut their stuff, this was the month.

But surprisingly, while there were plenty of soothsayers predicting someone would have romance in the evening, suffer from car trouble or be forced to endure the heartbreak of psoriasis, the little matter of more than 6,000 people being horribly murdered at the World Trade Center didn't pop up on any psychic radar.

I went back though the newspaper for the day before and the day of the terrorist attacks looking for any clue in the horoscopes that something really bad was to happen.

The closest I came was a warning to all Tauruses on the morning of the highjackings that "a Scorpio will pursue you relentlessly."

You've got to figure that with 50 terrorists involved in the highjackings, a couple of them were Scorpios. And you've got to assume that a 12th of the victims in the Trade Center and Pentagon attacks were Tauruses. So you could say that the terrorist Scorpios had indeed pursued the Taurus victims relentlessly. But if the astrologer who saw that Tauruses were in danger, why didn't he warn the people under other astrological signs?

I suspect that the horoscope writer meant that the Tauruses would be pursued relentlessly in a good way, like by someone who was attracted to them, not by some suicidal lunatic.

If the victims of the attacks had taken a moment to read their horoscopes on Sept. 11, would they have learned anything to save their lives? Nope.

Aries were told "communications will flow in the morning." They weren't told the communications would be 911 calls.

Cancers were told to "Tune in to your body. Do you need a checkup?" I don't know about a checkup, but a medevac helicopter would have been nice.

Leos were told to "Make a list of three wishes; you get one of them by the end of the month." Let's see, I wish I don't get highjacked, I wish I don't get blown up by a plane crashing into my building, and I wish Osama bin Laden would get stomped to death by a camel.

Virgos were told that "repairs could end up costing a lot of money." I guess that was for the Virgos who owned property in lower Manhattan.

Libras were told "a new friend wants to travel with you." As long as they were gazing into the crystal ball, couldn't the seers see that a new enemy also wanted to travel with the Libras?

Scorpios were told they would meet some "hot singles." They weren't told that the hot singles would be on fire.

The predictions went on and on and were completely useless from a survival point of view. What good is being able to tell people about the future when you can't tell them when to duck? Call me cynical, but I'm beginning to think these seers can't actually see the future at all.

Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail

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