Honolulu Lite
"THE Musketeer" is an action-packed swashbuckling movie just hitting theaters about a "dashing swordsman whose courage and willful nature place him at odds with powerful forces in 17th-century Paris." Psycho movie titles
are an apocalypse
now, HoosiersOne question: If he's a dashing swordsman, why do they call him a musketeer? It would seem that a courageous and willful guy called a musketeer would be swashbuckling around Paris with a musket. I suppose the trouble is that musket fights aren't very exciting. Two dashing swashbucklers face each other with muskets! They raise the guns! They shoot! They miss! They take a break to reload the bloody things! They pour in the powder! They tamp down ... Well, you get the gist.
I guess we shouldn't pick on Hollywood for at least trying to come up with an interesting name for a movie. Sure, "The Musketeer" is a remake of "The Three Musketeers," which was a remake of a remake of an adaptation of, I believe, a book. Be happy they didn't call the movie "The Three Musketeers IV." The folks who made "American Pie 2" didn't even try to come up with a new title. They are telling viewers, "If you liked 'American Pie,' you'll like 'American Pie 2' because they are essentially the same movie. We just wanted to see if we could squeeze a little more money out of you."
You can't blame them. Sequels make money and are easy to advertise. But you notice you never see sequels to really classic movies. There was no "Apocalypse Now and Again." There was no "Das Re-Boot." Or "Grapes of Wrath, Second Harvest." Where are "Five (More) Easy Pieces," "Dances with (More) Wolves" and "Cat on (Another) Hot Tin Roof?"
Coming up with a great name for a movie is extremely hard. What else would explain "Jumanji"? Hey, dump the Scrabble board on the table, and let's see what develops.
No matter how good the title in English is, something happens when the movie travels overseas. A Japanese Web site lists these American movies and how the titles were translated into Japanese: "An Officer and a Gentleman" -- "The Departure of Love and Youth"; "Children of a Lesser God" -- "Love Is in the Silence"; "The Fabulous Baker Boys" -- "The Place Love Has Gone."
You see the pattern: The Japanese love "Love" in movie titles -- except for the movie "As Good as It Gets." Curiously, in Japan it became "A Romance Novel Writer." When all else fails, the Japanese movie-title writers simply translate the English title phonetically. That's how Tom Hanks' movie "You've Got Mail" became "Yuu Gotta Meiru" in Tokyo.
A Spanish-language Web site describes how American movie titles fare in that language. Not, bad, actually. "The Grinch" became "El Grinch." "Chicken Run" became "Pollitos en Fuga." "Charlie's Angels" became "Los Angeles de Charlie." And "Coyote Ugly" mysteriously remained "Coyote Ugly."
A Web site claiming to offer Chinese-language versions of American movie titles alleges "Babe" became "The Happy Dumpling-to-be Who Talks and Solves Agricultural Problems." I seriously doubt that, although at least that title is honest.
I suppose an honest foreign translation of "The Musketeer" would be "An Obstinate Troublemaker Dashes about Paris in Feminine Attire and Lies About His Firepower."
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
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