Honolulu Lite


Friday, September 7, 2001

Weather list leaves
Hawaii out in cold

Yuma, Ariz., has better weather than Honolulu? Yuma? Where automobiles come equipped with a spatula so you can separate your sizzling fried okole from the car seat in the 120 degree heat? Not only does a certain heretofore -espected publication allege that Yuma has the best weather in the country, Honolulu doesn't even make the top10 list!

We generally wait until the bottom of this column to tell you what's coming up in Sunday's Honolulu Lite. But this report steamed us like a manapua on a Yuma sidewalk in July. I talked to the misguided editor of this national publication about his zany ideas on weather (he thinks Las Vegas' oven-like atmosphere is fabulous!) and you'll get the full report in Sunday's Honolulu Lite.

And now other news ...

Foul wind down under

MELBOURNE, Australia (AP) >> A man who broke wind in the foyer of a police station has had his conviction for offensive behavior overturned. David Grizti had been fined $200 by a magistrate after breaking wind while under arrest for drinking. Another court threw out the charge. Grizti's attorney said such a bodily function is not a criminal act."

(Not only is it not criminal act, it is the basis of all humor as we know it.)

A warm Oprah moment

BERLIN (Reuters) >> A man seeking gratification in the red-light district of a German town was surprised to run into his wife, who was secretly working as a prostitute.

Prostitution is not illegal in Germany but police were called to calm an argument between the couple that broke out after the encounter.

(The man apparently demanded a "Husband's Discount" or 4,500 marks.)

A contest with bite

ROME (Reuters) >> Potential champions are training for the most irritating sporting event of the Italian summer: The annual mosquito killing competition. Contestants clad in swimsuits will gather in Lomellina Valley to kill as many mosquitoes as they can with their bare hands.

(Amazingly, there are fewer injuries in this sport than the winter annual competition called "Smack the Snow Badger" and the "Chasing of the Spring Rats" competition in April.)

Weird Web site: You ever dream you are running naked through a convention of dwarves while being chased by a pack of ferrets? No? Oh, so it's just me, right? I have no idea what that dream means, thanks to a visit to Freaky Dreams ( The site is supposed to interpret your dreams for you but it seems to only come up with a bunch of psycho-babble saying that you're nuts or something if you have recurring dreams about dressing up like Dolly Parton and singing "Louie Louie" while sitting on the back of a goat.

Quote me on this: "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying." -- Woody Allen

Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail

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