’Pen Pal
Bench jockeying, commonly called "ragging" in today's jargon, is an age-old baseball tradition. Become rich in the
lost art of ‘ragging’It's not as prevalent now as it used to be, but it still occurs, mainly at the professional levels. In fact, it's against the high school and college rules to rag during a game.
It is never appropriate to rag an opponent's race, religion, family, or anything else of a personal nature. Nevertheless, there are some comments that are not personal but are truly funny. So here, in random order, are more of Pal's Picks: funny bench jockeying one-liners, and the situations in which they may be used.
>> A team is really brutal on defense. They're kicking the ball all over the place. On about the fourth or fifth occurrence, someone from the bench yells: "What a circus. Put a tent around it and sell tickets."
>> A player attempts to field a ball and drops it. Then drops it again and maybe even a third time. Undoubtedly, the player will (or should!) hear: "Put a handle on it."
>> Same situation as the previous one: "Follow it around to see what it eats!"
>> An infielder is playing too close with a big hitter at the plate. Try this one: "Spin his cap around," meaning to hit it so hard past him that the draft of the ball spins his cap.
>> A big hitter is up. This guy can really hit and has been known to flat crush the ball. If he does hit one, the comment should be: "Get the married men off of the infield!"
>> This one can be used on your own teammates. A guy hits a bleeder, a blooper, a dying quail, a Texas Leaguer (get the picture?), try one of these on him: "Wipe the blood off of it!" Or "How can the ball stand such punishment!" Or "See if the ball still has a cover on it!"
>> An umpire is having a bad day. (There a lot of things that can be said to an umpire, but most of them aren't nice, so they won't be used in this article.) He's missing pitches, and is generally struggling. This is a good one after he finally gets a call correct: "That's ok, ump, even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in a while."
>> A pitcher or a position player, usually a pitcher, doesn't throw too hard. Here's one for him: "I've seen better arms on a slot machine!"
>> Tease your teammates with these, because it'd make an opponent mad. Say a guy hits like crazy in BP (batting practice). He hits the ball hard and deep, but when the game comes around, he goes 0-for-4 regularly. He can be called a "5:00 hitter," (when BP for a night game usually takes place) or a "Gym fighter," signifying a boxer who looks good in the gym but gets cold-cocked in the ring. Say these only to a good friend that can take a little ribbing.
>> Here's a personal favorite. The pitcher is throwing some high octane gas. The batter is late on his swings. Say in a loud, bellowing voice: "That reminds me of Linda Ronstadt." Those who are wondering what Linda has to do with baseball, recall the song that was a hit for her many years ago, Blue Bayou. The pitcher was throwing so hard that it "blew by you." Get it?
So when you're watching or playing a game, listen for these. They could enhance your game enjoyment.
Pal Eldredge is a baseball commentator for KFVE
and former varsity baseball coach at Punahou School.
His column runs Mondays during the Major League Baseball season.
Star-Bulletin sports can be reached at 529-4785 or: sports@starbulletin.com