The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
If you hear a scream emanating from Restaurant Row one day, that would be me, having received another letter or phone call from a beauty contest loser. With an increased number of contests, it seems the number of losers is multiplying, and they want the whole state to know about the corruption that runs rampant in these competitions. Beauty contests
are just for fun,
not correctnessNo! Not beauty pageants.
Duh. The sleeping beauties are awake.
Until this past month, I've never given beauty pageants much thought, pro or con. While feminists complain about the degrading aspects of such contests, I simply view them for what they are, cheap entertainment in which the "stars" are paid off in makeup lessons, jewels, cars and, if they're lucky, scholarship money.
The first Miss America pageant was little more than an attempt to increase tourism to Atlantic City. Since then, pageants have tried to woo feminists by touting scholarship and achievement. And while early ethnic pageants promoted diversity, demonstrating that not all beauty came in tall, white packages, many recent contests seem to be primarily money-making ventures.
Like any contest, there is no guarantee that a participant will walk away with a prize for their troubles, which in some instances amounts to finding sponsors, selling programs and paying designated people to perfect their look, walk and wardrobe.
Yet, after a recent ethnic pageant, a man called to complain that the winner was chosen only because she sold the most programs. He demanded that I send an investigative reporter to expose the corruption, to demand to see the judges' scorecards.
When he stopped to breathe in the middle of his tirade, I asked, "How do you know this?"
His girlfriend had entered and lost. Figures. Naturally, she "has a great body," while the winner, he said, "didn't even look good in a swimsuit."
Next, I received a letter -- unsigned, so I'll assume it came from a husband this time -- suggesting conspiracy in a contest in which a "Mrs." title was up for grabs. The writer spoke of the conflict of interest posed when a judge is also a contestant sponsor, and called for disciplinary action.
Well, people will certainly raise their eyebrows over the breach in ethics, but there's nothing illegal involved, no endangering of the public safety, unless an enraged runner-up starts beating up on strangers. Pageant officials make the rules, and if a woman doesn't want to play, she has the option of hiking up her ballgown skirt and sashaying home.
The thing is, beauty is subjective, and all of us are already excellent judges of beauty. If we are to believe Nancy Etcoff, a Harvard Medical School faculty member, psychologist and neuropsychologist who wrote the book "Survival of the Prettiest," we begin showing our preferences for beautiful faces as infants. Later, these preferences show up in the people we choose to date. If beauty rates a 10 on a 1-to-10 point scale, have you ever noticed it's a rare 3 who hooks up with a 10?
We all know that beauty opens doors, and it's natural for some to try to cash in on their looks, just as others try to make the most of their attributes, whether it's intelligence, a gift for music or a talent for basketball. But unlike other endeavors requiring skill or discipline, beauty is not an accomplishment. It's an accidental result of genetic blending that may have started back when we were all but particles in some primordial stew. If any prize should be given in a beauty contest, it should go to the parents -- congratulations for the perfect example of womankind your egg and sperm have wrought!
Lighten up, pageant dwellers. These contests are supposed to be fun. And if it's not fun or you anticipate getting hurt or embarrassed by the results, then just don't enter. A beautiful woman doesn't need a crown on her head to turn heads. And if a crown matters more than losing gracefully, well, there's something ugly about that.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
quirks and quandaries. If you have something to say, write it and
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