Honolulu Lite
Four point three seconds. A new record. That's how long it took to hear the words "Chandra Levy" after turning on the television. The previous record had been almost 30 seconds. But like the four-minute mile, that was bound to drop. After all, we're talking here about Must See Chandra TV. All Chandra, all the time. Only Dan Rather on CBS has been on something of a Chandra strike. Rather-watchers wouldn't know that a 24-year-old Washington, D.C., intern who'd been making whoopie with a married congressman has disappeared. Chandra Levy
disappears; media
unfortunately do notDriven to fury like a bunch of pack dogs in the Iditarod sled race, the media have been pursuing the story of Chandra with a zeal that is, frankly, frightening.
Remember the previous contenders to the throne of excessive media coverage: the case of O.J. Simpson and the death of little JonBenet Ramsey? They were mere sound bites, snips of videotape and models of restraint compared to the Chandra Levy juggernaut.
But what sets the Chandra Levy coverage apart, and also hails a new age in modern journalism, is that television news shows have managed moment-to-moment coverage out of a story that has produced only three real lines of information in the past several weeks: Chandra Levy disappeared, she was having an affair with California Congressman Gary Condit, and Condit initially lied about that to investigators.
That would seem hardly enough information to carry one episode of "Larry King Live." But there is a new breed of journalist today, a genetic hybrid who can jabber about absolutely nothing for hours on end. It's an amazing thing. The FOX news channel, which dedicates 23.4 hours of every 24-day to Chandra coverage, really, in good conscience, should be giving the Levy family a hefty cut of advertising proceeds. (The other 0.6 hours of the day are spread between JonBenet flashbacks and stalking O.J. on the golf course.)
I don't believe we have to assume someone is innocent until proven guilty. Juries have to abide by that assumption, but we don't. But I'm actually beginning to feel sorry for prime suspect Condit. He's either a murderer or the unluckiest man in the world. Having an affair with a young woman who later turns up dead is the stuff of Hollywood. It's also the stuff that keeps a lot of married men faithful. The movies "What Lies Beneath" and "Fatal Attraction" should be required viewing for every husband. Right after the preacher says, "You may kiss the bride," he should pull the groom away to a quiet room and say, "Now watch these two movies and take notes." The message of both movies is that if you fool around on your wife, not only will you get caught big time, but you also might get killed. Condit and Bill Clinton should have the videos queued up in their VCRs at all times. Strike that. All married men should. A sort of conjugal Scared Straight program.
So, where's Chandra? Sadly, probably dead. But it's a strange world. When I was a police reporter, a man disappeared on a beach in Hawaii. Everyone said he was dead. His parents refused to believe him dead. We did not crush their hopes with statistics. Weeks later, the guy showed up in California. He had hit his head swimming and gotten amnesia. Condit and Levy's family should be so lucky.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite