For the children The new Mrs. Hawaii International, Monique Hsia, is an outgoing 29-year-old with a dazzling smile and a killer figure. She's a loving mother to her three children, a devoted wife and a fabulous cook who can whip up a 10-course Chinese dinner.
Monique Hsia embraces any
chance to fight the scourge of family
violence -- even a bowl-a-thonBy Suzanne Tswei
stswei@starbulletin.comThe one thing she can't do well is bowl. This would not matter under other circumstances, except on Saturday it will serve a greater purpose for the beauty pageant winner whose platform is preventing child abuse. As one of her first public appearances after winning the crown earlier this month, Hsia will be exercising her bowling skills -- however inadequate -- in a bowl-a-thon to help raise money for Prevent Child Abuse Hawaii.
"I am a better surfer than I am a bowler, and I've gone surfing only twice. Does that give you an idea of how bad I am at bowling?
"I'll probably be making a fool out of myself, but that's OK. The money will go to a good cause," said Hsia, adding that she has recruited some excellent bowlers to be on her team to ensure respectable overall scores.
You can help by making pledges in Hsia's name. Or join a team at $60 per person, or $300 for a team of five. Call 951-0200.
Looking foolish in public isn't foremost on her mind, Hsia said, child abuse is. It isn't merely a pageant platform for her; it is the story of her life.
"Every minute, a child somewhere is abused. I know, I was abused myself, but I survived. I know how terrible child abuse is, what it can do to you for the rest of your life. That's why I want to do something about it," Hsia said.
She was abused by her father, beginning in her early childhood in Vietnam. She can't remember what he did for a living, or even if he had to work, but she remembers him getting drunk at night and coming home to beat her mother and her.
"For some reason I was singled out (among the five children). I know he's capable of love. He is human. I don't know what made him do it, maybe he never adjusted to life in America. I think he was just a very unhappy man," Hsia said.
Hsia was born Myloi (pronounced Mee Lai) Le in Quinhon, a town in central Vietnam. She has faint memory of the family sneaking out of their home in the middle of the night in 1977 to get on a boat after Communists took over the country.
"I was 5 or 6. I remember us hiding under the pier in this little fishing boat, like a little canoe. We were all covered under a tarp and we had to keep quiet. We didn't know what was going on," Hsia said.
Her mother had given the five children sleeping pills to help calm them. But the drug didn't work for a younger sister whose consistent crying put them at risk. Her father was forced to leave her behind, in the care of grandparents.
The Le family, among the first Boat People to escape Vietnam, later joined others on a large fishing boat. They drifted for two days before a Japanese cargo ship found them and took them to Japan.
The Japanese government took care of the refugees, setting them up in comfortable homes and providing them with necessities. But Hsia's father had a difficult time adapting to his new surroundings and the abuse worsened. It wasn't just beatings; there was emotional abuse as well.
"He was always harsh, mostly with Mom and me. Mostly when he was drunk. He would start a fight with Mom. He would beat her and sometimes he would come after me. I was always the one trying to defend Mom," Hsia said.
By the time the family emigrated to Oakland, Calif., on a church sponsorship, the nightly routine was well established. The children locked themselves in their room when the fighting began. Hsia or the neighbors calling the police. Her mother, despite frequent trips to the hospital for treatment, refusing to press charges.
Hsia always put on a good face in school. She learned English quickly, made friends and found a mentor in her psychology teacher, Art Friedman.
"He was like a father to me. He showed me I was as good as everyone else. He gave me confidence. He changed my life," she said.
Eventually, her father shifted the abuse toward his youngest son when Hsia was about 12. But the abuse also worsened. Her father, who was working as a mechanic during the day, would slash her mother's wrists on top of the beatings.
On occasion, her drunken father would point a gun at their heads and threaten to kill everyone. Two years later, her mother abandoned the family to escape the abuse.
"My mother is an amazing woman. She grew up with no parents and she was abused every single day by my father. People ask, 'How could she leave?' I say they had to be in her shoes to understand. I don't blame her at all," Hsia said.
Her mother, who was a seamstress, could not take the children with her, fearing that her father would carry out his threat to kill everyone if she did. Hsia, the second child and the oldest girl, looked after her siblings. A year later, Hsia took her brothers and sisters to a shelter to escape their abusive father.
The children stayed at a foster home briefly. Then the girls went to live with an aunt in Texas while the boys returned to their father. After a year in Texas and establishing contact with their mother, who was hiding in San Francisco, the girls also returned to live with their father.
"We were older. He couldn't abuse us physically any more; he'd just abuse us emotionally. He would say things like: You are not my kids, it's all your fault that I am not a success in my life," Hsia said.
After high school, Hsia left home to attend college. While studying at Evergreen Valley Community College in San Jose, she met her husband to be, Duncan, and her life took a decided upswing. The couple moved to Oahu, where her husband grew up, about three years ago.
She was reluctant to share her story with him at first, but as she told him a little at a time, she realized that his love for her grew because of what she had to endure.
Aside from her gourmet cooking, "that was the one thing that really attracted me to her," said Hsia's husband, who is a successful stock trader and financial adviser. "After all that she's been through, she's still a good person. She's very open, very generous, very giving."
Hsia holds no grudges. She's in contact with everyone in her family, including her father. He has not been able to give up drinking, but she's accepted him as he is.
"Everyday I think about how lucky I am. I am living proof that you can survive child abuse, and I want to share my story with strangers. It's part of what's helping me heal and I want it to help prevent child abuse."
Although she had never considered entering a beauty pageant, when a friend encouraged her to join the contest, she realized that it would give her a public forum to raise awareness on child abuse.
She had only two weeks to prepare for the contest, and now will compete in the national pageant, Mrs. International, next month in Tennessee.
Hsia is the spokeswoman for Prevent Child Abuse Hawaii and will serve as a board member. She also serves on a foundation set up by the Hsia family to help raise money for child abuse prevention as well as other charities.
Prevent Child Abuse Hawaii's Bowl-a-Thon 2001: Bowling for dollars
Place: Aiea Bowl, Aiea Shopping Center, 99-115 Aiea Heights Drive
Time: Two games beginning 9 a.m. and noon Saturday
Call: 951-0200
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