Honolulu Lite
IS it just a coincidence that cats attacked a Hawaii woman at the same time a major motion picture has been released exposing a plot by cats to take over the world? Cat attack in Hawaii
just tip of the catnipI don't think so. While the Hawaiian Humane Society considers the unprovoked attack on Denna Frooman and her dog Kekoa in Moiliili a bizarre, isolated event, I've uncovered evidence that a worldwide uprising by cats may be under way.
Frooman was walking her dog when they came across a pack of five or six cats. She should have known that when that many cats get together at one time, they are up to no good. But before she had time to react, a couple of the cats attacked, visciously tearing into both Frooman and Kekoa. Both were injured and an ambulance was called.
A Humane Society spokesman said: "It's really a strange thing. Not normal at all."
But is it?
A day after the Hawaii attack, an elderly Canadian man was savagely attacked by his cat Tiny. The man was merely giving his pet parrot a shower when he accidentally shot Tiny with some water. The cat fell upon the 80-year-old man, tearing into him. The man's 81-year-old wife wrestled the creature away, only to have it turn on her. Four carloads of police and two ambulances responded because in Canada, God bless them, they take cat attacks seriously.
So, two cat attacks in two days. What could be causing cats to suddenly show their true colors as the dangerous beasts they are?
I think they are feeling tough because of the recent release of the movie "Cats and Dogs." The movie is about an evil feline named Mr. Tinkles, who attempts to take over the world. The tyrannical Mr. Tinkles leads cats in a battle against dogs in order to leave humans defenseless. In the film, dogs save humanity, but Hollywood doesn't always get it right.
Using my vast powers as an investigative humorist, I uncovered more shocking evidence that cats really are revolting.
Along with the Honolulu and Canadian incidents, there also was an incident in which two cats attacked a 200-pound German shepherd in a Los Altos, Calif., hardware store. A customer who tried to save the dog from the assault was injured. A chilling side note to this incident is that the dog was a Seeing Eye dog leading his blind master into the store. If that doesn't show the cold brutality of cats, I don't know what does.
In Lorinc, Hungary, the village council made it a law that all cats on city streets must be on leashes. Cats in Lorinc had become "a dangerous menace" and had attacked a number of people walking on the streets, according to news accounts.
And these are just the incidens we know about. We all know the pernicious influence violence in Hollywood movies has on society. Emboldened by the movie "Cats and Dogs," cats are clearly coming out of the cat box, ready to let the fur fly.
I'm just glad that my buddy Musubi, who was a good cat of the old school, isn't around to see how low her species has sunk.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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