Honolulu Lite
As regular readers know, one of the duties of "Honolulu Lite" is to come up with ways to promote Hawaii in order to get people from around the world to give us their money. Here’s a tourism
idea with real teethWe've mainly supported enterprises that involve taking money from tourists without them actually coming to the islands. Our feelings were a little hurt when no one picked up on our suggestion to build a chain of "Hawaii! Hawaii!" casinos on the mainland, giving people a taste of Hawaii without any actual wear and tear on our state.
We also suggested building the Hawai'i Convention Center in Las Vegas. That idea not only was ignored, but a convention center was plopped right at the entrance to Waikiki. Can you believe it?
But we aren't discouraged. At least, I'm not discouraged, although I am tired of referring to myself in the second person plural or third person subjunctive or whatever tense snooty writers use to make themselves seem more important.
I've come up with another killer idea for bringing in tourist money. And while it will entail having strangers on our shores, there are enough comic possibilities to make the concept worthwhile.
Every year at this time, Spain gets weeks of free publicity simply by turning loose a bunch of snarling, slobbering bulls in the streets of Pamplona. What's the big deal? You round up some bulls, you let them go, and hoards of knuckleheads see if they can outrun the beasts. People travel to Pamplona from all over the world just to run from bulls. Farmers in Kansas, who could go out in their back yards and run from their own bulls for free, fly to Spain to run from foreign bulls.
Pamplona was going broke trying to sell castanets to tourists until someone said, "Hey, why don't we just let the bulls out to chase the tourists."
It was a brilliant idea, and I promise you it did not come out of a Pamplona Convention and Tourist Bureau meeting.
Using Pamplona as inspiration, I propose a new international event that will make Hawaii a "must visit" destination for thrill seekers everywhere: "The Running of the Mongooses."
Imagine, hundreds of mongooses suddenly turned loose on Kalakaua Avenue, sending thousands of tourists shrieking and scurrying for safety!
Unlike bulls, which can lumber down only streets, scampering mongooses can pursue their victims up trees, over walls and into hotel lobbies.
The international press will flock to Hawaii for "The Running of the Mongooses," creating tons of free advertising.
The loose change falling from the pockets of tourists as they flee the snapping jaws of irate mongooses alone will bring in more money than the hotel room tax.
If you support "The Running of the Mongooses," send a card, fax or e-mail to the folks at the Hawaii Convention Center and Tourist Bureau. They can't think of this kind of great stuff themselves.
Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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