Honolulu Lite


Friday, June 29, 2001

Pit bulls’ rep
going to the dogs

A number of dog attacks have been in the news recently, once again raising the issue of who is responsible when a good dog goes bad. Some people want pit bull terriers outlawed while others argue that pit bulls don't kill people, people who own pit bulls kill people. Until Charlton Heston becomes head of the National Pit Bull Association, we're on our own. Maybe a 10-day waiting period should be required before someone can buy a pit bull and the dogs should have a mandatory "pit bull jaw lock" installed. People Against Pit Bulls could be just a front organization of people against dogs in general. Ban pit bulls today and it could be wiener dogs tomorrow.

When animals attack, dogs aren't the only species getting the bad press. Here are a few recent examples:

A clothes call

LAND O' LAKES, Fla. (AP) >> A naked woman suffered serious ankle and arm injuries in an alligator attack while swimming in a lake at a nudist resort. The woman was 10 yards off shore in waist-deep water, practicing floating for an upcoming scuba diving test, when the alligator attacked from beneath and pulled her underwater.

(The "Welcome to the Land O' Lakes, Lakes O' Gators Nudist Resort!" sign should have been a clue.)

Let the hippo play thru

JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) >> An adult male hippopotamus attacked and killed a security guard at a South African resort. The guard at the Sabi River Resort saw the hippo eating grass on the resort's golf course and his boss told him to observe his movements. The hippo charged, running over the security guard.

(The "Welcome to the Sabi River Golf and Hippopotamus Lawn Mowing Resort!" sign should have been a clue. And when asked to observe a hippo, it is best to observe it from a safe place, like a car speeding away from the hippo as fast it is can possibly go.)

Weird Web site: Was it Raggedy Ann who said, "No more for me, I'm stuffed?" You can find out the famous last words of just about any cartoon or television character at a site called "That's All Folks" ( Most of the alleged utterances are too raw to go into here. The real mystery is why the operators of this site haven't been sued for using all the hundreds of copyrighted cartoon images it displays.

Honolulu Lite on Sunday: OHA trustee Charlie Ota called fellow trustee John D. Waihee a "son-of-a-bitch young bastard," which shows just how low the Art of the Insult has sunk. Read Honolulu Lite to find out what constitutes a really good insult.

Quote me on this: "The naked truth about me is to the naked truth of Salvador Dali as an old ukulele in the attic is to a piano in a tree, and I mean a piano with breasts." James Thurber.

Alo-Ha! Friday compiles odd bits of news from Hawaii
and the world to get your weekend off to an entertaining start.
Charles Memminger also writes Honolulu Lite Mondays,
Wednesdays and Sundays. Send ideas to him at the
Honolulu Star-Bulletin, 500 Ala Moana Blvd., Suite 7-210,
Honolulu 96813, phone 235-6490 or e-mail

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