The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
It's definitely June ... there are movies about weddings, wedding specials, bridal fairs and, of course, actual weddings going on all around me. I think weddings are beautiful, marking a beginning for people pledging their love for a lifetime (intended, anyway). Still single
but not aloneHowever, I dread these ceremonies because, although well over 30, I'm still called via loudspeaker to stand among bouquet-catching single hopefuls. If they at least stuck some cash in the bouquet like they do with the garter, my sluggish pace to the arena of unmarried women would turn into a gleeful skip. Without the cash incentive, I've learned to sneak off to the restroom at the right moment. Sometimes I miss my cue, and people have to nudge me when my name is called. The reverb is almost deafening. But I am beginning to feel that a new day is dawning.
What changed? We now have "Sex in the City," the HBO series about four 30-plus female singles living and loving in the Big Apple. They're an attractive and eclectic foursome. Female fans seem to love "Sex in the City" discussions over mochas or martinis, and feel the need to identify with the character -- or a composite of the characters -- they relate to most.
The series is the "Seinfeld" of the new millennium, but racier, R-rated, hilarious and poignant. In addition to the bust-out-laughing humor and moments that call for serious introspection, I just love the fact that the main characters are single! It means that not only am I "normal," but that I'm even kind of cool. And that's really cool!
But, actually, I knew that before the HBO sitcom took off. I wrote my only other "Goddess" column a couple of years ago about being single, and the response was overwhelming. I made a statement about how -- despite the nagging questions and quizzical looks from parents and married types -- it was OK to be an over-30 single. I'm not anti-marriage, just against a "social statute of limitations" on the act.
I'm an advocate for marrying -- for the right reasons, not because "time's running out." There's no singles expiration date. It never occurred to me when I wrote that piece that I was also indirectly writing a giant "personals" ad, complete with photo. I was surprised to be asked out on several dates. (And no, I didn't go out with any of them.)
But what touched me most were all the e-mails and comments from people who just wrote to say, "Thanks for speaking for us, too!" The column, from what I heard, was cut out and sent around offices, given to sons and daughters, shared among friends, posted on bulletin boards and saved for a rainy day. My words struck a chord among others who were single, but definitely not alone, and tired of having to explain that there was nothing wrong with us.
What a difference a couple of years makes. Besides "Sex in the City," "Bridget Jones's Diary" was heroic in its assessment of "snob marrieds" who put poor Bridget on the hot seat for not being one of them.
Yes, a new day is dawning. I'm still a single goddess -- although I am dating someone special -- and enjoying every minute of it. I'm just glad that others are starting to enjoy their single status, too!
Mona Wood is president
of Ikaika Communications.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
quirks and quandaries. If you have something to say, write it and
send it to: The Goddess Speaks, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O.
Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802, or send e-mail
to features@starbulletin.com.