The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
WHENEVER our younger daughter irritates me, my husband says, "She's just being Lisa," or "Let Lisa be Lisa," or "Give Lisa your unconditional love and acceptance, and don't compare her with anyone else." Letting Lisa be Lisa
was right, after allIt's not easy being her mother, and I thank God that my husband is here to be her ally. What would Lisa do without her dad? This semester, he woke up early every morning just so he could gently get her up for her cosmetology classes at the community college. He cooked her breakfast and made her lunch. He also gave her money for dinner when, after the faculty strike, she had to stay at school from 7:30 a.m. until 8 p.m. to compensate for missed class work.
"She is trying so hard to make something of herself," he said. "Give her your support."
When Lisa was little, she often said that she was Daddy's girl and that Maria, our older daughter, was Mommy's girl. What a sharp observation! Children always know who favors them and who will defend them in life's small battles. I used to feel guilty about this favoritism and talked with a psychiatrist, who reassured me by saying, "As long as your child is unconditionally loved by at least one parent, she will be OK."
There have been times when my patience was worn thin by her antics. For example, while in the sixth grade, she dropped water balloons on pedestrians from our fourth-floor balcony, incurring a $50 fine for us.
When she was just 13, I was shocked to see her smoking a cigarette. No amount of counseling and warnings of wrinkled skin and lung disease made her give it up. I tried grounding her and denying her privileges, and the high school counselor suspended her when she was caught smoking in the school restroom, but at age 19 she still smokes. Of course, as a nonsmoker, I have no sympathy for her addiction.
The girl who fought with her older sister, argued with her teachers and was fired from her first job for insubordination is the same girl who gently pets stray cats, befriends neighbors' dogs, cares for hamsters and releases mice caught in traps.
Tall and pretty, Lisa is also artistic, independent and strong. As a child she enjoyed writing short stories and illustrating them. In school she excelled in art. Now she is majoring in cosmetology and dreams of becoming a famous hairstylist.
There are so many good things to say about her that I am sorry I started this story with a negative slant. Should a misfortune befall her, I would feel terrible, no doubt. But why would it take a tragedy to awaken me to her true beauty?
I am glad that she knows what she wants to do in life.
When her class produced a Spring Fling Hair Show at the mall, my husband and I were there, taking photos and a video of her work. I was amazed by her creativity, and she was pleased by our attention.
I think I'm finally beginning to understand her, to be more patient with her and to appreciate her free, creative, artistic spirit. Hopefully, there will be less conflict between mother and daughter.
As her Dad says, "Let Lisa be Lisa."
Glenda Chung Hinchey is a free-lance writer in Honolulu.
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