OK, so maybe I exaggerate a bit and tend to lose myself in daydreams, but I never noticed these traits until an "EQ guru" pointed them out to me. Going nowhere in
life? Try working
that EQIntelligence will only take you
Emotional exercises By Nancy Arcayna
half way if you don't have the
emotional savvy to get
along with others
Special to the Star-Bulletin"Your head may be up in the clouds," he says. "I'm really surprised since reporters normally work with cold hard facts."
After taking the EQ (emotional quotient) test, Jim Risser noted that my interpersonal skills are high but I sometimes need a reality check. The EQ measures a person's "common sense" and ability to get along in the world.
"Oh my God ... I'm out of touch with reality," was my first thought. I frantically searched through the test trying to figure out which answers led to Risser's conclusion. Could it have been the question asking if "I have a feeling that something is wrong with my mind" or was it "I think I've lost my mind" or possibly the one about "I feel cut off from my body?" I thought everyone felt like this at times.There were the other questions that inquire whether or not you do weird things, consider yourself a strange person or try to see things as they really are without daydreaming or fantasizing. Now, what fun would that be? It's not my fault that I have an active imagination; I need an outlet for creative expression. Besides, all self-help exercises emphasize the importance of expressing yourself. That is what emotional intelligence is all about and a high EQ can lead to success in life.
Yet, society tends to value IQ (intelligence quotient) more than EQ. Interpersonal and intrapersonal skills are rarely taught. We are thrown into classrooms at a very young age and are expected to know how to get along. Reading and writing are curriculum standards, but stress management techniques or self-confidence building activities are not.
Risser conducts "The Economy of Emotions" course this week at Kapiolani Community College for anyone looking to increase their emotional intelligence. "Studies show little correlation between any job and intelligence. IQ gets you in the door, but EQ is what will take you farther," he says. "Most successful people have high interpersonal skills.
The course focuses on 15 emotional intelligence factors that have been attributed to successful people. They are self-regard, emotional self-awareness, assertiveness, independence, self-actualization, empathy, social responsibility, interpersonal relationship, reality testing, flexibility, problem solving, stress tolerance, impulse control, optimism and happiness.
"My highest score on the exam is empathy because I enjoy helping people so I have a bachelor's degree in psychology and a master's degree in early childhood education," said Risser of his own results.
Interestingly, star performers normally score low in areas of social responsibility and empathy. Homeless people who took the EQ test scored higher in these areas since they tend to look after one another, explains Risser, who claims to have been a nerd for most of his life, a status that led him to his lifelong mission of self-improvement.
"When I graduated from high school, I was still a nerd. We used to sit on the baseball or football and kept to ourselves. I didn't try out for sports because people would ask what I was doing there. My response would be ... 'Oh yeah, I'm not supposed to be here,' " he said. "One of the most prevalent forms of abuse in the world is self-abuse. We are really hard on ourselves. We tell ourselves things that we would never tell another person."
In order to make a difference, Risser felt compelled to learn about people and how to communicate more effectively.
"Hitchhiking actually got me out into the world. It forced me to meet lots of people. At the time, I had no direction or goals in life, so I traveled. This was the best education I ever had. I learned a lot about people's problems and felt like a psychologist on wheels. I always felt like my reassurance helped and I always left them with something.
Risser once climbed into the window of a VW Bug to help a guy who was distraught after breaking up with his girlfriend. Dealing with such situations, Risser said, taught him how to help people overcome their problems.
"My travels to Mexico and South America also taught me that no matter where you go, people are people. Everyone experiences feelings and emotions."
Participants taking the course complete the EQ test. The Bar-On EQ-i test comprises 133 brief items and employs a five-point response set ranging from "very seldom or not true of me" to "very often true of me or true of me."
Once test-takers know where they stand, they can work on exercises designed to improve in areas where they lack personal and interpersonal skills. The test takes approximately 30 minutes to complete.
"By the end of the course participants will have the necessary skills to increase their emotional intelligence and be on their way toward success," says Risser. "The great thing about EQ is that it can be improved upon, unlike our IQ. EQ generally peaks for people in their 40s."
By accepting my evaluation, Risser says my EQ has already increased because Awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses is what allows an individual to improve their EQ.
Maybe now I'll be more accepting of my own uniqueness and enjoy my safe haven in the clouds.
Enhanced intrapersonal capacity indicates individuals who know themselves, feel good about themselves, are in touch with their feelings and feel positive about what they are doing in their lives. Interpersonal skills allow individuals to become responsible and dependable citizens. Exercise those emotions
Here are some exercises to increase your EQ in all areas:
Self regard
Take "baby steps" and set short-term achievable goals that will build your self confidence. Make a list of your successes, accomplishments and awards and add to the list often.
Emotional self-awareness
Lie flat on your back. Tighten all your muscles for 30 seconds and then release them to get more in touch with body sensations.
Assertiveness
Express your feelings, thoughts and stand up for your rights and the rights of others. Create a personal mission statement.
Independence
Be firm in your thoughts and actions, but still listen to other's opinions. Also, reflect on your own opinion and let others know what you believe in.
Self-actualization
Know where you are going in life. List at least 25 goals you hope to achieve.
Empathy
When someone is talking to you, give them your full attention. And, list incidents when you did not show concern or understanding of others.
Social responsibility
Suggestion: be responsible for your own actions instead of blaming others. List a few ways that you could be more cooperative at work.
Interpersonal relationship
Develop good ice breakers that you can rehearse and use when meeting new people. Write down a few names of people that you never talked to but with whom would like to initiate a conversation.
Reality testing
Pay attention to the smallest details in the environment. Also, list experiences where you had a misunderstanding or argument with someone and evaluate why the other person behaved as they did.
Flexibility
Look for the positive in change. Make minor changes in daily routines. Be an advocate of change and tell others of the changes you are making in your life.
Problem solving
The five steps to solving a problem include: defining the problem, defining who owns the problem, brainstorming solutions, choosing a solution and putting the solution into effect. If the problem is not solved, you begin the process again.
Stress tolerance
Begin a regular exercise routine, eat healthy, get a good night's sleep and stay optimistic.
Impulse control
Reflect on your impulsive behaviors like having a drink to unwind or engaging in other destructive behaviors.
Optimism
Stop negative self-talk and develop high self-regard by looking at your positive qualities.
Happiness
Remember that happiness comes from inside ... it's an attitude.
What: "The Economy of Emotions" course In the classroom
Dates: 6 to 8:30 p.m. tomorrow, Thursday, April 17 and 19
Place: Kapiolani Community College
Cost: $250, includes EQ testing, four-day workshop and a workbook
Call: Jim Risser, 533-3976 or 525-6460
Note: Risser also does individual EQ testing
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