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The Goddess Speaks
FEBRUARY is the month of Valentine's Day romance, candies and flowers. It's the time to celebrate every kind of love, from friendship to mate to family. So, it's the perfect time to acknowledge that love whose name we dare not speak, i.e., self love. How do I love me?
Let me count the waysI think self love (no, not the physical kind) is hard for women to express. No matter what our ethnicity, many of us were raised to believe that the most attractive female is the most humble. It is unfeminine to even speak of your accomplishments, let alone celebrate them. According to many beliefs, to be virtuous is to deny the presence of a unique self.
An even greater restraint on self love is the simple lack of time. Balancing career, continuing education, exercising and volunteer work is hard enough. But, throw in taking care of children, spouses and pets (sometimes the lines between the three are pretty blurry) with keeping the house and yard presentable, and you don't have a lot of time left over.
For an expression of self love to be effective it will have to be quick and easy, yet honest. Some words of wisdom and gentle encouragement here and there would be nice too.
What better way to express that love than a love letter? It could be as long or short, poetic or cryptic, fancy or sloppy, as you like. After all, this letter will be written by you, for your eyes only. It could be something like this:
"Hi,
Just thought I'd write a little note to let you know I've been paying attention.
While not always successful, I must applaud your efforts to improve yourself. The "Elvis" hair color was definitely not you, but your choices for career and family seem to fit perfectly. You've got more tenacity and humor than I would have given you credit for.
NO matter what you may think, you are a beautiful woman. The way your eyes shine with joy and sincerity when you smile is a precious gift. Share this gift generously and you will be ageless.
Life hasn't always been kind to you, in fact there have been times when it was downright mean. But, you stayed strong and believed in your ability to fight and find a new way to succeed. You refused to be anyone's victim and shouldered responsibility without complaint. I don't know if you noticed, but because of these experiences, you've grown more confident in your own abilities and wisdom. Thanks to this confidence, you judge others less harshly; try doing the same for yourself.
You've done an excellent job of choosing those you consider to be your friends, and holding on to them. They are the true blessings in your life.
Unfortunately, everyone you meet will not like or understand you. Spend your time enjoying the friends you have. Don't waste it on people who will never appreciate you.
There is no reason to fear what lies ahead. You have the intelligence and creativity to make your life whatever you want it to be. Give thanks for each of the good things that happen to you today and they will build a solid path into your future. Remember that there is a lesson in every bump in the road. With dreams and goals to guide you, your journey is sure to be fascinating.
I will check in with you as often as possible to let you know that I support you and will always be on your side.
With love from your self."
Happy Valentine's Day to the Goddess within us all.
Michelle Calabro Hubbard's first book,
"Sour Notes," is about a local girl who goes to drastic measures
to lose weight only to accept herself just the way she is.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
quirks and quandaries. If you have something to say, write it and
send it to: The Goddess Speaks, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O.
Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802, or send e-mail
to features@starbulletin.com.