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Honolulu Lite
THE road to a brand new year is paved with good intentions, which are stupid things to pave a road with. But we do. We whimsically call these good intentions "resolutions" and every New Year's Eve we squint through the haze of champagne and firecracker smoke into the coming year and see a brand new us: slimmer, hipper, richer, happier and healthier. As if! Resolve:
No more resolutionsI generally suggest not making any resolutions until June or July. That way you can see how the year is shaking out for you. Then, if anything fabulous happens to you, you simply retroactively resolve to have planned to accomplish it before it happened. It's a little confusing, but trust me, it works.
But many people insist on making resolutions at the beginning of the year and so I thought I'd try to help out. I came across a couple of Internet sites devoted to New Year's resolutions. One should be called nag.com because it actually promises to send you emails throughout the year reminding you of your resolutions. That's just what you need, loser-grams.
But if you're interested, http://www.hiaspire.com/newyear boasts a subscription list of 5,000 people who have surrendered their dreams to email.
One interesting thing on the site, though, was a breakdown of the most popular resolutions by percentage. They are: diet (12 percent), exercise (15 percent), quit smoking (4 percent), quit procrastinating (3 percent), save money (10 percent), get organized (3 percent), advance career (5 percent), family time (4 percent), follow dreams (9 percent), find love (5 percent), get hobby (3 percent), volunteer (3 percent), travel (4 percent), have more fun (3 percent), better person (10 percent) and better spouse (5 percent).
According to my calculations, that only adds up to 98 percent, so there's some resolution worth 2 percent sitting out there somewhere. It might be "Get A Good Lawyer" because a lot of the resolutions listed seem like they could get you into trouble. Like "Better Spouse." Does that mean you want to BETTER your own spouse or FIND a better spouse? If it's No. 2, you'll definitely need a lawyer.
Another naggy-type Web site is at http://www.willingness.com, which blows the whole concept of making resolutions because it tells you how impossible it will be to accomplish them. The site is called "Willingness Works," which we all know doesn't. Money works. Threatening works. Even whining works. But when was the last time willingness worked?
NEVERTHELESS, here's the point: resolutions imply change. Change occurs in a predictable sequence. If you try to proceed out of sequence, you are going to fail. The change sequence is: 1) Gleams, 2) Commitment, 3) Preparation, 4) Training, 5) Manifestation, 6) Anchoring, 7) Teamwork, 8) Leadership. Or, to put it in a way most people will understand: 1) Great Idea, 2) Work, 3) Work, 4) Work, 5) Work, 6) Work, 7) Work, 8) Failure.
The way to get around the pitfalls of resolutions -- if you don't agree to hold off making your resolutions until summer -- is to make promises you know you can keep. Like, don't resolve to lose 15 pounds. Resolve to lose 15 THINGS. You're bound to lose 15 things over the course of a year: your car keys, the remote control, your mind.
If you insist on thinking big, think REAL big. Resolve not to blow up the United Nation's building. Or resolve not to hunt endangered whales. Or resolve not to cause any nuclear reactors to melt down. Those are big resolutions. And a good ones. They're good for you and they are good for the planet. And, best yet, they're do-able. Happy New Year.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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