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Changing Hawaii
WHEN Dave Shapiro announced he was stepping down as managing editor of the Star-Bulletin for health reasons, it made me reflect back to the first time I met him. Most of all, I remember his handshake. It was warm, welcoming and strangely comforting. How to shake
hands with a wahineWhich brings me to the topic of this column. Let's see now, how do I put this delicately?
Gentlemen, in this joyous season of meeting and greeting women in varying social and business situations, please be careful how you shake their hands.
It shouldn't be an experience that makes the wahine think, "Yeow!"
I bring this up more as a plea than as a scolding because, in the past two weeks, I've been the recipient of too-enthusiastic handshakes from three males ranging in age from early 30s to mid-60s.
In each case, the new acquaintance was simply being friendly.
He obviously didn't realize that his expression of aloha made me 1) suppress a grimace, 2) shake my fingers behind my back to restore blood circulation and 3) wonder whether I should say something so he won't crunch another poor lady's hand.
Alas, I chickened out. It must be the nice Japanese girl in me. I didn't want to embarrass anyone who meant well but who so definitely underestimated his own physical strength.
Therefore, dear male readers (and women readers who want to help a husband, son, business associate or male acquaintance), may I offer up an early Christmas present?
It's two single-word directives given in the yuletide spirit of spreading cheer and good will as opposed to crippling knuckles: practice and observe.
Practice shaking hands with a woman you like and admire, and ask for feedback. Believe me, if you ask nicely, she'll be more than willing to help out. She herself has, no doubt, been similarly maimed by close encounters of the painful kind.
The grip should be firm while not drawing blood. Don't overcompensate to the extreme, though, by grasping her fingers limply or like a delicate porcelain figurine. This is insulting as it's akin to saying, "Me Tarzan, you dame."
In fact, before stepping up to any female you've just met or don't know very well, especially in a business setting, look for the tell-tale signal as to how she wants to say "howdy" in the first place.
It's a fallacy that, in this island paradise, every woman automatically wants a peck on the cheek.
Observe. Is she thrusting her right hand forward in a vertical, left-facing manner? If so, she prefers a handshake, not a kiss. Kindly respect her wishes.
Final pointer: Glance at her fingers before squeezing them together.
If she is wearing a ring, then the discomfort from too harsh a grasp will be magnified significantly by that teensy piece of jewelry.
OK, OK. Before half the population of the world gets huffy about this column, let me quickly add that more than 90 percent of the men I've ever shaken hands with got it right. With these guys, it was a pleasure to grip and grin in greeting.
If done right, there's nothing that can establish stronger camaraderie than locking palms with someone you respect. Such was the case last week, when I congratulated Frank Bridgewater on his appointment as acting managing editor of the Star-Bulletin.
His predecessor also had a handshake that wasn't too hard, or too soft, but just right. I'll miss that big bear of a journalist in the newsroom. Happy recuperation, Dave.
Diane Yukihiro Chang's column runs Monday and Friday.
She can be reached by phone at 525-8607, via e-mail at
dchang@starbulletin.com, or by fax at 523-7863.