Advertisement - Click to support our sponsors.

Bereavement expert
offers advice for
coping with
holiday distress

---

Star-Bulletin staff

People who are grieving the loss of a loved one should not give in to holiday pressures, says George Osakoda, who coordinates Hospice Hawaii community bereavement programs.

Those coping with a death are especially vulnerable during the holidays, feeling mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted, he said.

"There is social pressure during the holidays to attend parties or to continue certain traditions that you did together before your loved one died," he said.

"I tell people that if you don't feel like it, it's all right not to go or do something."

Friends and family members may not want to talk about the death, which may add to the grieving person's distress, Osakoda said.

He said one woman told him it was as though her husband never existed.

Use of rituals to remember or honor the deceased is healing, especially for children who need ways to express sadness and feelings of loss, he said.

Rituals can be as simple as making a special card or sharing memories or photos among family members, he suggested.

He also offers these ideas to cope with bereavement during the holidays:

Do something nice for yourself every day, such as taking a stroll on the beach or relaxing to music. Eat well, exercise and rest.

List your usual holiday activities and cross out those that sound too exhausting or overwhelming. Let friends and family know your rule this year is: "If I feel up to it, I will. If I don't, I won't."

Tell people sending party invitations you will go only if you are having a good day.

Let family and friends know what they can do to support you.

Find at least one good friend who will listen when you are ready to talk about your feelings.

Remember your loved one in ways meaningful to you and, if you wish, encourage others to talk about your loved one.

Reach out to others by volunteering for community or church activities, "but only if it energizes you."

Hospice Hawaii holds monthly bereavement support groups for adults and children. Participation is voluntary and confidential.

For dates, times and locations of meetings or for more information about hospice services, call 924-9255.