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Honolulu Lite
I know it's silly, but I get a kick out of the periodic news stories announcing the impending arrival of box jellyfish to our shores. Floating a
few silly ideasOne ran last week, headlined "Jellyfish due to invade beaches next Sunday."
How do they know that? How can they pinpoint with accuracy the arrival of thousands of squishy animals who have as much mobility as a plastic baggie in a mud puddle? It's as if the jellyfish have chartered a plane and will be arriving on runway one-niner-left at 3:57 p.m. Meet them on the tarmac with tiny leis.
Jellyfish apparently are a lot more organized than people think. They don't just slosh around aimlessly. They have an agenda, an itinerary and travel plan. And when they decide to come to town, watch out. At least they are decent about it. They phone ahead. It's like, "Hey, we're coming to Ala Moana Beach on Sunday. Just wanted to give you a friendly little heads-up. It's not a threat or anything. But, if your butt's in the water on Sunday after 3:57 p.m., it's getting stung."
Another silly story that recently came across the wires concerns the recall of nearly 500,000 bags of kitty litter. How can kitty litter be defective? It's essentially glorified dirt that cats poop in. It turns out that there wasn't a problem with the kitty litter proper, but something inside the litter, specifically a little blue mouse toy.
It further turns out that there is a wire attached to the mouse toy that resulted in the strangulation of a number of cats and kittens. But the real clincher is that the mouse toys weren't even supposed to be given to cats and kittens. They were intended to be used by children.
What genius in the pet supply business thought this up? What kind of parent would give their kid a toy fished out of a bag a musty cat litter? "Mommy, this mousie tastes funny."
The whole idea of putting a toy surprise inside cat litter is silly. And dangerous. You pull one toy out of kitty litter and your kid is going to be fishing around in it when you leave the litter out for the cat. "Mommy, this doesn't look like a mousie."
Another silly news story that is timely since the holiday season is approaching concerns the cooking and eating of reindeer tongue. Apparently, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas in Finland if you weren't munching on reindeer tongue.
YOU probably weren't aware that Finland appoints a Game Chef of the Year. That's not "game," as in adventurous. That's "game" as in non-mainstream edible animals. You usually think of game as being wild birds or feathered creatures along the wild chicken line. But in Finland, game also applies to large animals like reindeer.
Finland has lots of reindeer and, let's face it, it's a tight market in the sled-pulling industry. Only eight reindeer get to pull Santa's sled, along with Rudolph, who is sort of an affirmative action hire. He filled the minority red-nose quota. So the rest of the reindeer have become fair game, so to speak, for the dinner table.
Game Chef Jyri Hanninen urged his countrymen not to forsake the tongue when enjoying the holiday roast beast.
"When the tongue is cooked right, the skin slides off like you were pulling off a sock," he told Reuters. "It's a very soft and fatty meat and needs to be seasoned well, but at its best it tastes even better than steak."
I'm going to have to take Mr. Hanninen's word on that. I have a policy of never tasting anything that can taste me back.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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