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Honolulu Lite
A funny thing happened on the day before primary election: the family and friends of a state Senate candidate branded me an anti-Hawaiian haole simply because of an offhand remark I made on the Channel 2 morning news. Drive-by humor
can be dangerousExaggeration, sarcasm, satire, understatement and analogy are all part of a columnist's arsenal of writing tools. Generally, satire is what gets you in trouble, because someone inevitably thinks you are being serious and misses the point. On Friday, exaggeration caused the heat.
Here's what happened: I sat down with Leslie Wilcox and Kirk Matthews to talk about politics. Also on the couch were Advertiser editorial page editor Jerry Burris and KHON's political reporter Gregg Takayama. Obviously, as a humor columnist, I was out of my element because the other guys are known for their serious analysis of political issues and I'm not.
Just to let people know about my lack of credentials I opened by saying I didn't know what I was even doing there because, until the day before, for instance, I thought state Senate candidate Fred Hemmings was running against Whitney Houston. I figured that was fair warning to viewers not to take anything I said from there on too seriously.
In fact, I knew that Hemmings was running against fellow Republican Whitney Anderson in the primary. Further, I said, I had seen them waving signs just that morning on the Pali Highway. Hemmings, I said, was accompanied by an army of supporters while Anderson was by himself on the side of the road with a chair, a dog and an ice cooler. That was exaggeration. Hemmings was not accompanied by an army of people. Anderson actually had two people with him and did not have a cooler, chair or dog. I was just trying make the point that compared to Hemmings' "army," Anderson to me seemed a bleak, lonely figure in the race.
The angry calls to the television station began before we were even off the air. They continued at my office, where my boss and I heard from Anderson's family and friends. Their combined take on my attempt at humor was that I am an anti-Hawaiian haole who was trying to give viewers the impression that all Hawaiians do is sit on the side of the road and drink beer.
I didn't mention beer, I told one caller.
"What do you think was in the cooler, juice?" he said.
There was no cooler, I said. I just threw that in as part of what was clearly a joke.
I was stunned. To begin with, I did not even know Anderson was part Hawaiian. Yes, I wrongly assumed he was just another haole Republican. As a reporter, I had avoided covering the state Legislature, preferring the clearer world of criminals found in the courts and on the police beat.
It was amazing, though, how fast the race card was thrown and how angry Anderson's supporters had made themselves over a non-existent slight. In fact, I have a long track record of supporting Native Hawaiian causes. In fact, one of my columns from years ago, calling for the release of Hawaiian activist Bumpy Kanahele from prison, is still posted on the Nation of Hawaii Web site.
Anderson's buddies and family members didn't do the Hawaiian cause any favors trying to turn an innocent political observation into a racial attack. And I learned that some observations that look benign in print have more bite when uttered aloud.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
The Honolulu Lite online archive is at:
https://archives.starbulletin.com/lite