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Honolulu Lite

by Charles Memminger

Monday, August 28, 2000

Smile, you’re on
X-ray camera

IN the old days, comic books carried ads for X-Ray Specs, which were eye glasses that allegedly let you look through things like walls and, not incidentally, other people's clothes.

Obviously, the ads were a blatant appeal to the prurient interests of young men, chiefly young men in the pimply 13- to 16-year-old demographic. Any intelligent person would know it was a hoax. But at that age, prurience tops intelligence and it seemed to take months for my X-Ray Specs to arrive.

Sure enough, the glasses did not actually empower you to see through walls, clothes or even single-ply sheets of Kleenex, which was a shock, considering they cost $1.89. For that kind of dough, you'd expect the technology to be there for you.

Well, the technology has finally caught up but the price tag is pretty high, both in the dollar amount and the cost of losing yet a little more of our privacy.

The new X-ray machine is called BodySearch, and U.S. Customs inspectors are using it to search for contraband at six airports, Honolulu currently not among them.

A suspect, which means anyone an inspector decides to so label, stands in front of the machine and an X-ray photograph is taken of the entire body. Any contraband, such as knives, guns or hand grenades, shows up clearly. Unfortunately, so do belly buttons, body crevices and various other organs generally referred to as "private parts." Except in the Brave New World of Technology, where expedience trumps modesty, private parts aren't private anymore.

There has been the predictable chorus of complaints about the invasive searches accompanied by the predictable chorus of assurances that the new technology will be used only for the Forces of Good, that only people "suspected" of doing bad things will be subjected to the procedure and, besides, the whole thing is voluntary.

Having a Social Security number used to be voluntary. We were assured that it would be used only in connection with Social Security, but somehow it became a national identification tracking number, and it is impossible to do business, get a driver's license or rent a video without one.

Let's look at a few troublesome aspects of the super X-Ray Specs:

Only "suspects" are subjected and they have to volunteer. Sure. A suspect is anyone an inspector says is a suspect. This decision is based on scientific data like, "Does the guy look like a scumbag?" and is the inspector in a bad mood because his dog peed on his carpet that morning.

Voluntary? If a federal agent asks you to voluntarily take a test and you refuse, your next stop ain't the coffee shop.

The X-ray negatives show a lot more than contraband. "The good news is you aren't carrying a weapon. Bad news is you'd better get a doctor to look at that liver." Or, "What's that little thing right there that looks like a light switch-looking thingy ... oh, never mind. Sorry, Mr. Hefner."

The machines are strictly low-voltage, so radiation isn't a problem. Yeah, that's if you only get zapped at the airport. But these machines cost a mere $140,000, which means they will soon be turning up at concerts, malls and in the work place. What happens if you get zapped several times a day? Will we be reading without a night light?

All supermodels and rock stars suddenly will become suspects and their "search" negatives will end up on the Internet. There's a lot more to see of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee than you think, like their gall bladders.

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Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to cmemminger@starbulletin.com.

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