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Honolulu Lite

by Charles Memminger

Monday, August 7, 2000

Why people have
a beef with PETA

AN anonymous reader apparently feels I need to learn to better appreciate animals because he or she put me on the mailing list for "Animal Times," the official magazine of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

I don't know how this person could think I would appreciate animals any more than I do. Not only do I appreciate them, I find many of them quite delicious. I have only one small problem with PETA: It's a militant extremist hate group full of self-righteous phonies. If you eat meat, they hate you. Period. And they get away with this hate simply because they think they are right and you are wrong. And because they are right, rules of society do not apply to them. They can throw paint on your clothes, pies in your face and break into private businesses to free animals.

I wanted to keep an open mind about "Animal Times," but when I saw on the cover a rat peering out at me through a pile of daisies it was hopeless. You'll remember that PETA threw a hissy fit when the castaways on the television show "Survivor" killed and ate a rat. I thought it was outrageous that they'd eat a rat, too. Not because it's unethical but because rats, in my book, are vermin, not food.

I pushed on, opening the magazine cover hoping to find some redeeming value inside. The first thing I saw were not animals but two enormous female breasts attached to none other than Pamela Anderson.

Pamela is heading up PETA's new "Shed Your Skin" campaign, in which, without the least bit of irony, she urges people not to wear leather of any kind. I seem to remember her wearing skin-tight black leather pants and leather motorcycle jackets from time to time. She's also worn her share of mink hides. Her wife-beating, on-again, off-again hubby Tommy Lee lives in leather, except when he and Pamela are making X-rated videos. And Pamela is single-handedly responsible for the destruction of endangered silicone habitat.

It's always cool to have a spoiled millionaire hypocrite telling people who barely make enough money to pay the rent not to eat burgers or wear leather belts.

THE magazine was stuffed fuller than Pamela's non-leather spaghetti-strap tank-top with similar nonsense:

A farmer sends 200 chickens and pigs to an animal sanctuary and decides to raise vegetables after some school kids who visited the farm were shocked (SHOCKED!) to find out that the animals would be slaughtered. They begged the farmer to save animals. Of course, anyone who believes these students weren't enjoying chicken McNuggets or bacon-and-cheddar burgers within 15 minutes of getting back to the mall is delusional.

Blasts Martha Stewart for promoting the adoption of chinchillas and other exotic animals as pets. Please. That's one of the least obnoxious things Martha does.

Recipes for "Mama's Mock Meatloaf," "Hush Puppies" and "Baby-Get-Back Ribs." The "ribs" are made of tofu strips. Why would people who don't want to promote meat-eating want to eat stuff that looks and tastes like meat? You never see meat-eaters cutting a rib roast into the shape of a block of tofu.

That's as far into the magazine as I could get. Look. People should be kind to animals. But people are animals, too. And no group of people should promote hate against another group of people simply because they disagree on what's for supper.

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Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to cmemminger@starbulletin.com.

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