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Honolulu Lite
I do a lot of walking. And one of the houses I walk past regularly has 15 plastic jugs of water lined up on a stretch of dead grass bordering the road. Real story behind
those water jarsI know the theory behind the water jugs. They are supposed to keep dogs from tinkling on your property. But 15 jugs? This home owner's property must be under siege by herds of hyenas.
In passing by gallons and gallons of water jugs in people yards, I have made a couple of observations:
1. Most people put jugs full of water on pieces of property that could only be improved by dog visits. Take the above mentioned property. This grass is dead. It is late grass. Dog tinkle is not going to radically change the micro-environment of this particular chunk of aina. Hint: Pour the water FROM the jugs onto the grass.
2. Lines of Clorox jugs fronting your property doesn't exactly add "curb appeal." I've seen some pretty snazzy pieces of property in my life: the Hearst Castle, Jim Nabor's house, Ferdinand Marcos's place in Manila, Gov. George W. Bush's mansion in Austin, Tex. ... none of them had plastic Clorox bottles standing on the lawn.
What you have here, homeowners, is a balancing test: How much damage will a few drops of dog shishi do to your yard compared with how tacky the place will look decorated with household cleaner containers?
And this question only matters if there is a scientific basis to the Water Jug Theory of Canine Bladder Control. In other words, does the theory "hold water."
To answer this, I visited Professor P.P. Leaky, one of the foremost experts on the Piddling Practices of Pets.
Me: Professor Leaky, is there evidence that putting a jug of water in your yard will keep your neighbor's mutts from relieving themselves there?
Leaky: Absolutely. By leaving jugs of water around your yard, you are symbolically "marking" your territory. A dog who sees a large, clear jug of liquid will assume that the animal who left it there is much bigger than he is and so will not attempt to leave his own "calling card" in the area.
Me: Why would the dog think it was anything more than just a plain old jug of water?
Leaky: It all started with large empty mayonnaise jars filled with water. We all know that a mayonnaise jar can never be completely cleaned of it's revolting contents. Dogs have a keen sense of smell. The mayo residue, combined with water, apparently smells pretty much like you-know-what. So dogs began to be wary of any large jar or jug of water.
Me: But, professor, people don't even put clear jars or jugs of water out anymore. They put out white plastic Clorox bottles.
Leaky: It doesn't matter. They could put gallon jugs of OJ on their lawns now. Dogs have been programmed to stay way. Remember what happened when Pavlov rang his little bell?
Me: Yeah, his dog slobbered because he thought he was going to be fed.
Leaky: That's right. Now, if a dog sees a big jug of Aloha Shoyu or Malolo orange syrup next to your driveway, he's going to seize up, won't be able to go Number One for a week. It's all programming.
Me: I don't know. That place with the 15 Clorox jugs is a real dump. They leave their big plastic rubbish bin out. They've still got their lights up from last Christmas. And there's a huge wire basket in the carport filled with empty beer cans. It's disgusting.
Leaky: That's your personal opinion. I think you should be more culturally sensitive. And from now on, stay the hell away from my property.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to cmemminger@starbulletin.com.
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