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Honolulu Lite
AS someone who believes in free speech, I should speak up for mimes, who obviously can't speak up for themselves. New Law leaves
mimes free speechlessI should, but it's really hard. Most people would have no problem designating Waikiki as a "Mime-Free Zone." Mimes are annoying. When they do that walking-against-the-wind thing, or pretend they're in a glass box, well, you just want to smack 'em.
The problem is that a new city law regulating street performers doesn't only target mimes. It dispatches all street performers, from crummy saxophone players to those guys who pretend they are statues, to places technically "in" Waikiki, but which have not seen an actual tourist in years.
After July 12, street performers will have to get a permit to perform at one of six designated locations. Mayor Jeremy Harris says the regulation is needed for public safety. That's kind of a reach. As much as I hate mimes, other than the mental torment, I've never heard of a mime actually hurting anyone.
Free speech not only isn't free, it's downright expensive. We learn this every time the city tries to clean up Waikiki.
The Hari Krishnas used to sell T-shirts with what they believed was constitutionally protected slogans about saving the Earth or whales or something or other. Walking through Waikiki was like negotiating a slalom course, getting around all the Krishna T-shirt tables. They were annoying, but the shirts were cheap and the Krishnas did a lot of business. The city battled Krishna lawyers for years. Then Mayor Frank Fasi staged a dramatic midnight raid on Waikiki, installing enormous cement planters on the sidewalk where the T-shirt tables had been.
Mayor Harris isn't as excitable as Fasi, which is too bad. It would be cool to see Harris chasing jugglers and clowns down Kalakaua Avenue with a cattle prod. Since the new law doesn't bar street performers from Waikiki, Harris feels like the city's on good legal footing.
WE'LL see. Naturally, the ACLU has sued the city, saying second-rate performance artists have a constitutional right to torment passersby. Well, it didn't say exactly that, but that's what it gets down to. If any of these performers were really good, they'd be working indoors for big bucks. And, if they were just in it for the love of their art, they wouldn't be begging quarters from an Iowa family clad in identical aloha attire.
The bottom line is this: These street performers plant themselves in the middle of one of the best known tourist locations in the world to make money. Period. It's a sweet gig. No rent, no inventory, no utilities, no employees suing you on some bogus worker's comp deal. Set your own hours. Blow a tune, juggle some balls, stand really still for long periods of time and watch the dough roll in. They don't like the new law not because it infringes on their free speech, but because it banishes them to places where they can't make as much money.
Which is totally understandable. But like street performers, lawyers on both sides now have to overact. City lawyers say public safety is in peril, which it isn't. The saxophonist's lawyers say Thomas Jefferson wanted him to be able to play "Boogie Woogie Blues" in front of the International Marketplace and get paid for it, which Jefferson didn't. And if Jefferson ever met a mime, the U.S. Constitution would be a completely different document.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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