Advertisement - Click to support our sponsors.
The Goddess Speaks
COULD I pass this up? BackStage East, the performing arts weekly, reads: "Open call auditions -- Untitled Woody Allen Film Project/Supporting parts and extras." Passing on the
Sweet and LowI decide to fake a doctor's appointment. The next day could be my big break. I get ready for bed and set my alarm to 7 a.m. When I wake up the clock reads 10 a.m. Urgh! I remind myself I need a new alarm clock.
Rushing down to the audition, a line of people starts at least a block from the location. (This is my retribution for faking illness, I tell myself.) I run past what seems like 400 patiently waiting people.
I understand, from those coming out of the audition that Woody himself (the man, the entity, the "sweet curmudgeon") is inside. My stomach feels funny. Alright, I tell myself. Got to get resourceful: who's in charge? I see him, a tall man handing out hand-numbered tickets. My number is 434. The person standing next to me is No. 54.
Minutes pass and I guess an assistant decides he likes my look. He asks if I sing. (I don't, but I answer "yes.") Do I dance? (I answer "yes.") He tells me to wait, and returns, producing a ticket with a different number, 340. Still yuck!
Not giving up, I spy a "used" ticket on the ground: 164. Relief! I use my thumb to cover the "1," and get in instantly as No. 64. I decide not to question the chutzpah that possessed me to do that.
A casting assistant tells us to simply present ourselves to the casting director and leave. No "funny" stuff, whatever that means. I'm brushed by a couple of giggling women wearing crazy glasses, latched arm and arm, running out together. They seem to have just pulled off some joke or prank in front of His Worthiness. Hmmm. Actors!
Then I'm inside, trying not to stare at Woody Allen. And Soon-Yi Previn. The door to the office closes and I wait with four or five others for my turn. Each person simply stands in front of Woody, not doing anything.
Then the man standing in front of me is "on display" and smiling. Not just any smile: a great, big, fake, obnoxious smile. From ear to ear. I decide NOT to do that. He leaves, and it's my turn. Woody stands there, not 3 feet across from me, carefully eyeing my headshot. Then looking at me. And I'm looking at him. We're eye to eye. And all is silent. I say "hi." He looks at my headshot again, and, looking annoyed, quietly says to the casting director, "Alright, that's all."
I say thank you, and leave.Walking out, I can't figure out why I didn't just start talking? Or start laughing? Doing hula movements, or anything other than standing there? I think I was in shock.
Woody Allen apparently auditions everyone that appears in his films. This is quite admirable, given the vast number of extras in ANY film. Chances of a call-back are slim as thousands stand in front of him each year. Yet, two months later, a casting associate called to ask if I'd be interested in working on the set the next two to three days for $50 a day. Due to work deadlines, I had to pass.
But who wouldn't have gone? Acting was the reason I moved to New York. After that, I made the decision to quit my posh corporate job at Tiffany & Co. and commit to my career. Whoa, Bruddah Woody ... if you're out there, think of me. I promise next time you pass on, I no' going pass back!
Woody Allen's "Sweet and Lowdown" plays at the Honolulu Academy of Arts Theatre and "Small-Time Crooks" is set to open.
Former isle actress Laura Bach is pursuing acting full-time and managing Second Generation Productions, a nonprofit Asian-American theater company in New York City.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
quirks and quandaries. If you have something to say, write it and
send it to: The Goddess Speaks, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O.
Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802, or send e-mail
to features@starbulletin.com.
