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I've been in a wheelchair for more than two years because of weakness and imbalance caused by multiple sclerosis, but I try hard not to think of myself as handicapped. How to count
your blessings while
craning your neckWhich is why I squirmed as I sat before a bunch of nice kids at Hawaii Baptist Academy who were studying disabilities and wanted to know, "What is it like?"
The truth is, I've not thought about it much. I told them that the key to success, whether you have a disability or not, is to focus on what you can do rather than what you can't.
The Serenity Prayer used in 12-step programs makes a lot of sense to me: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
MS is one of those things you cannot change. You've got to accept it and move on or it'll consume you.
MS is a disease of the central nervous system that disrupts messages from the brain and spinal cord to the rest of the body. It can impair motor function to the point of paralysis in the worst cases. Other symptoms can include vision problems, slurred speech, stiffness, oppressive fatigue, numbness, tingling and other creepy feelings.
The disease occurs predominantly among women, tends to strike young adults and is seen mostly in cold northern climates where I've never lived. Lucky me.
Actually, though, I do feel lucky. I didn't have my first symptoms until my late 30s and didn't need a wheelchair until my late 40s.
Because the disease visited me relatively late in life, I was able to enjoy the good years with my children -- to help my daughter through her ballet and gymnastics moves and coach my son's Little League team. I took them on adventures from Monticello to Disneyland.
Had MS hit me younger, I would have missed out on my best years as a reporter from inability to travel and move around. I would have lost the opportunity to rise as high in my profession as my ability would take me.
I curse MS not for me, but for the 23-year-old women and men I see pushing themselves around in wheelchairs.
I told the Hawaii Baptist Academy students that I'm stubborn about my independence. I don't gladly let anybody push my wheelchair except my grandson Corwin, who enjoys "accidentally" ramming me into walls, benches and mall directories. Generally if I can't get somewhere by myself, I don't go.
Sitting in a wheelchair all day is tough on the butt and back and I can take only so many hours of it. This means I can't stay at the office as long as I used to and have to take more work home to compensate. I have to choose carefully where to spend my limited energy.
I get tired of looking up at people who are shorter than me and sometimes I stand up briefly just to tower over somebody. Wheelchair ramps at old buildings like downtown pubs, the Pacific Club and Washington Place are difficult to negotiate, but there's great satisfaction in succeeding.
When I last visited my neurologist, who shares an office with an OB/Gyn, a young couple with a baby came out as I went in. I assumed they were there to see the OB/Gyn until I saw the nurse give the young mother a video on MS medications for the newly diagnosed.
Those are the times when I feel really lousy about this disease.
David Shapiro is managing editor of the Star-Bulletin.
He can be reached by e-mail at editor@starbulletin.com.
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