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Honolulu Lite
I'M with you on this one, guv. The state certainly should purchase the grand Hemmeter Building for $22 million. This is No. 1 Capitol
idea, GovernorIt's a great building. It's beautiful, historic and it has a pool. It looks like a Spanish mansion. It has a cool address: No. 1 Capitol District. It is a jewel in the middle of Honolulu, just steps from your little hacienda, Washington Place.
And considering what the Japanese company paid for this stately manor -- $80 million! -- it is a heck of a deal if we can get it for a measly $22 million.
There's just one little change I would make to your otherwise brilliant plan, governor. You want to use the building to display the tons of art owned by the State Foundation for Culture and the Arts and for recitals and music classes.
My modest proposal is that after we, the taxpayers, buy this snazzy chunk of real estate, we change the name from Hemmeter Building to Maili Elementary School. And then instead of holding hoity-toity receptions and recitals, we bus those little kids from Maili in and let them use the building as their school.
I noticed that the money you are asking from the Legislature includes $315,000 to upgrade the Hemmeter's air conditioning system. That's great. Because, as you know, the current Maili Elementary School doesn't have air conditioning. The kids have to keep the windows and doors open if they want to catch any breeze at all. Not that they really enjoy the breeze. You'll recall the breeze comes from nearby chicken and pig farms and is of a severely odoriferous nature.
But the kids won't have that problem at their new school at No. 1 Capitol District. That new air conditioning system should keep them comfortable enough to actually learn something. Who knows, maybe their test scores will go up. Remember, when you ran for governor, you promised an education system second to none in the country.
WHEN I first heard of your plan to buy the Hemmeter building, I thought it was a joke. It couldn't be true. I mean, there's no way you would propose spending 22 million tax dollars on a white elephant that doesn't even have parking! At least, not before you had brought every public school up to par. That's why I know you'll love my plan. What better way to reaffirm your commitment education than turning the Hemmeter Building into the Cadillac of public schools!
Just think. The kids will be able to eat lunch without all those disgusting flies landing on their food. And you know where those flies come from. Here piggie, piggie, piggie. They'll be able to swim in the pool and take naps around the lovely courtyard. That alone will probably raise the SSAT scores a couple of hundred points.
I know, there's the problem of all that art work. Well, you know, considering the state's economic situation, maybe it shouldn't be in the art business. If you need a $22 million building just to house your art work, maybe you've got too much of it.
So sell some of that collection and use the money to fix other public schools that look more like battle zones than campuses.
If there is some art left over, you can store it in the OLD Maili Elementary School. Heck, you could even divert a couple hundred dollars from the 22 million bucks to buy a bunch of deadbolt locks from City Mill.
Frankly, I don't think security will be a problem. Let's face it, we're not talking Monet and Picasso here. I suspect most thieves would go for the pigs and chickens before they pinched any of the state's "art" collection.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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