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Honolulu Lite
WHAT could a bunch of politically correct bunny-huggers do to tick off a group of equally politically correct mothers against drunken driving? When PETA
meets MADD:
Got Trouble?In this unlikely battle of the acrimonious acronyms, Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) is slamming People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) over the seemingly benign subject of milk consumption.
It sounds like an episode of MTV's "Celebrity Death Match," where the claymation figures of famous people who would never otherwise meet enter a boxing ring to tear each others' heads off. Except you couldn't make this up: mad mothers wrestling animal lovers over a pro-beer/anti-milk campaign PETA is launching on college campuses!
It's all very puzzling, especially for an easily-confused columnist who likes political special interest groups to stay hunkered in their respective bunkers so they are easier to make fun of. When they break out and start stepping on other toes, life becomes too difficult.
It all started with the milk industry's extremely annoying advertising campaign in which celebrities pose with "milk mustaches." The catch phrase in the ads simply is: Got Milk?
This apparently bothered the eminently botherable PETA organization, known for throwing paint on people wearing furs, breaking into private businesses in order to free laboratory animals and performing other acts of eco-terrorism.
Naturally, PETA is against eating, skinning, experimenting on and otherwise bothering animals. But it also is against milking cows, because PETA members believe cows have rights, like the right not to be hooked up to big old milking machines. Frankly, milk cows seem to have it pretty good, compared to future filet-type cows.
Instead of blowing up a dairy in order to make its anti-milk point, PETA decided to take a more peaceful approach. It began running advertisements on college campuses of students with "beer mustaches" with the phrase "Got Beer?"
Now, this is pretty funny stuff from a group that has shown it has very little sense of humor. It's a great parody of the milk industry's "Got Milk?" oversaturation effort.
PETA claims beer is better for you than milk because it has no fat, pesticides or artificial hormones and, most importantly, no animals are hurt during beer production. (What? There's no organization to protect the rights of hops and barley?)
You'd expect this claim to be welcomed by anyone who ever has poured Bud on his morning Wheaties. But it wasn't the milk mustachios who complained about the PETA ads. It was MADD, which thinks the ads promote underage drinking.
I like MADD and I'm against drinking and driving. But the Mothers risk their credibility when their emphasis shifts toward a total prohibition of alcohol instead of responsible drinking. They've overreacted to PETA's silly beer mustache campaign, which will not lead to an epidemic of underage drinking and driving. This really is a battle MADD doesn't need to fight. It shows a level of intolerance that goes well beyond the organization's goal of making the roads safe.
PETA is equally deluded if it thinks many college students will become animal rights activists. A lot of the college beer-drinking that PETA suddenly supports takes place in stadiums where the object of worship is "the pigskin."
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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