Advertisement - Click to support our sponsors.
The Goddess Speaks
MY mom, Wood Me Hee "Woodie" Young, died as she lived, with gentle courage and in peace. Leaving lovingly
by the seaMom is having it her way in terms of a memorial. She and dad decided to have their ashes scattered at sea together. She's waiting until my father passes away. Then my siblings and I will take them both out to the waters near the fish pond her father, Hee Kwong, had in Heeia.
Mom wanted to spend her last days at home so we cared for her with the help of hospice until two days before she died. My dad was an amazing caretaker. Mom gained 15 pounds under his devoted watch.
We wanted to grant her every wish, and one was to spend a weekend with her husband, Walter, at the Kahala Mandarin for their 60th anniversary in July.
We weren't sure she'd survive until then, so we chose the Chinese New Year weekend. I had called the Mandarin on Friday to request a late checkout. It was a difficult promise to extract because Jan. 5 was also part of the Pro Bowl period.
We were amazed on Saturday to find that the general manager, Jan Goessing, had upgraded mom from an oceanfront balcony room to the Presidential Suite! He even went to the hotel on his morning off to be sure my parents got their gifts of leis and an anniversary cake. Mom and dad were overwhelmed.
Woodie exemplified the power and richness one receives when leading a full and loving life. She volunteered for the American Red Cross for 10 years. Her kindness extended to strangers as well as loved ones, so it's not surprising that so many were good to her.
My baby boomer generation produced a different kind of woman. Our society is busier, more complex, and we don't always make time for community.
But mom's philosophy was a blend of old and new. Her mother had tiny bound feet and spoke only Chinese. Her dad was the second generation in Hawaii and had modern ideas like sending his three daughters to college.
Woodie always had the kind of grace that flowered from her kind and selfless spirit. She fully appreciated Hawaii's multiculturalism, exposing her children to foods, stories and customs of every ethnic group. At age 60 plus, she danced as part of a Spanish group in flamboyant costumes, entertaining at hospitals, nursing homes, senior citizen clubs, even on television!
Yes, she had her moments of discomfort, but "Sunny," as her school friends called her, could even turn her illness into a kind of adventure. She was curious about everything and everyone at the hospital. She was thrilled and satisfied each time she conquered an obstacle in the path her doctors set to stabilize her rare, terminal cancer of the bile ducts.
Sometimes, one of us would have a hard day dealing with Mom's dying. She would comfort us. She knew we loved her and she wasn't afraid.
Woodie glowed like a bride at the Kahala Mandarin. She, dad and I talked about a friend who had been given one week to live. He was so well cared for by his family he lived another seven years! Mom thought she could try to match that.
No one should avoid talking about death. Before mom died, she did what she wanted to do and said what needed to be said.
No one wants their parents to age and die. Woodie, however, was more lovely in appearance and spirit as years passed. She died as she lived, with great courage and in peace, just before sunset on Feb. 26. She was 81 years young.
Melissa Wong is a Realtor and social worker
working on a book about the Salvation Army
properties and programs.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
quirks and quandaries. If you have something to say, write it and
send it to: The Goddess Speaks, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O.
Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802, or send e-mail
to features@starbulletin.com.
