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Honolulu Lite
YOU learn something new every day, usually stuff you don't need to know. Czech women
upset ova name tagI just learned, for instance, that there's a store in Rio de Janeiro that sells little tuxedos and ballerina outfits for hamsters for the annual carnival celebration.
How bad do you have to hate hamsters to dress them up like ballerinas? There's apparently no People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals members in Brazil. Or People Against the Cross Dressing of Small Furry Animals, either.
I also learned recently that the economy is so bad in Japan that a man named Akira Hareruya has turned himself into a human punching bag. He spends each night in one of Tokyo's seediest districts, where, for $10 anyone can assault him for one minute. Old-timers remember the boom times of Japan when people were so rich you could beat up someone for free.
The other thing I learned recently was that, in the Czech Republic, women still have to tack an "ova" to the end of their names, a throwback to the days when women were considered the property of their husbands or fathers. According to a news report, ova means "belonging to" the male and also has an English meaning relating to the female egg cell -- ovum.
NOW, you might think this is a big deal ova nothing. But some European women are getting tired of what they consider an offensive appendage to their names.
Women's rights advocate Jirina Ciklova said younger women may drop the ova from their names, but older women prefer to keep the suffix because it makes it immediately clear whether someone is male or female. If three letters on the end of a name is the only clue as to a person's gender, maybe a little makeup is in order.
I don't know how the feminists' campaign to free Czech women from the sexist linguistic accessory is going, but I can suggest a few slogans to help men deal with it. I see billboards saying, "Get Ova It" and "We Shall Ova Come."
I know it's insensitive to make jokes about another culture's language. I just got a nasty postcard from a woman informing me that "everything is NOT a joke." She also accused me of being shallow, which, if I were a bit deeper, would hurt a lot.
But "ova" just sounds so much like the Hawaii pidgin version of "over" that many word combinations spring to a shallow person's mind.
Imagine all the women in Europe who have the perfect name for their jobs. A supermodel named Lois Lookmeova; a bartender named Helen Hangova; a flight attendant named Lucy Layova; a debt collector named Freida Forkova; or a police officer named Paula Pullova.
Women in Hawaii wouldn't stand still to have an ova stapled to their last name. In fact, many Western women insist on keeping their maiden names even after they wed to let people know that though they married some jerk, they are no pushovas.
But think about the possibilities. Joe Moore's wife would become Mrs. Mooreova, which sounds like she's bringing something extra to the marriage.
Donna Mercado Kimova has some nice rhythm to it. Sounds sort of like a train chugging up a hill. But I doubt the city councilwoman would go for it.
Sen. Colleen Hanabusaova could start the next Latin dance craze. (Do the Hanabusaova!)
Mazie Hironova, Rene Manshova, Vicki Cayetanova ... well, they don't quite work.
I better quit now before I get more nasty cards. Will I ever learn not to ova do it?
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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