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Honolulu Lite
I figured out why so many goofy bills are introduced at the state Legislature. It gets down to one word: lawmaker. Lawmakers live
up to their nameSee, we call legislators "lawmakers," which gives them the mistaken impression that their only job is to make laws.
The problem is, most necessary laws have already been passed. So this year, we end up with with proposals for "snooze and snack time" for public employees, mandatory organ donation, mandatory flossing in schools, a water tax and a costly study to see if the Capitol building is a "sick building."
Sick building? We just spent $62 million refurbishing that building. It shouldn't be sick; it should be running the freakin' marathon.
At first, I felt like someone should go up to these legislators and say, "Is this really the best you can do? After having all that time off, is this the best you could come up with?" Now, I know it's not their fault. We call them lawmakers; they make laws.
But the purpose of the Legislature isn't just to make laws. It is to help make life safe, happy and fulfilling for Hawaii residents. This can be done by reducing laws, not making more.
To make this point, we should start calling legislators "lawtakers" instead of "lawmakers." Let them know that taking away a few laws here and there is just as important as inventing flaky new ones.
What laws can be taken away? I don't know. But I opened the Hawaii Revised Statutes at random and learned there are 4-1/2 pages of laws relating to trespassing animals. There is one law against harboring a mongoose and another specifically saying KILLING a mongoose is OK.
THERE is a law that says Belgian hares have to be kept off the ground. Another law states you can't herd wild bulls "or other ferocious or dangerous animals" through the streets. There's a law against frightening or "exasperating" horses. One law limits how many pigeons you can have at home. Another bans keeping wild birds in captivity.
There's a law against shooting turtles, mollusks and fish with a gun. But you can shoot sharks, tuna and billfish once they're caught.
There's even a law that says fishing laws do not apply to Hansen's disease patients at Kalaupapa.
There's a law against making hamburger buns for sale unless you use enriched flour. And let's not forget the law making it illegal to sell beverages "in metal containers so designed and constructed that a part of the container is permanently detached in the opening of the container." In other words, that's a law against those old "pop top" cans that aren't even made anymore.
Some of these laws are important. I don't want someone running wild horses up my street. But you have to wonder about some of the others. And I found these in just a half hour of looking at random in just two of 15 volumes of the Revised Statutes.
Maybe our state lawtakers should devote an entire session to just weeding out this overgrown garden of laws.
ONE MOORE ITEM:
Tomorrow is your last chance to see budding movie star and sometimes KHON-TV news anchor Joe Moore's locally made movie "Moonglow." Don't be surprised if it gets distributed nationally. I'm trying to get him to make his next movie about a beer-drinking newspaper humor columnist who gets a movie made about him by a famous televison anchor. We'll call it "Saloon Glow."
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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