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The Goddess Speaks
COULD you get one of your goddesses to write about 'Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?,' " pleaded a member of the opposite sex. "I want to know what women think about it." Let me count the
multi-million waysThe goddesses, as plain old human beings, probably thought a lot of the things you thought. The goddesses were utterly shell-shocked by the Fox TV special, looking like goldfish, wide-eyed, with mouths agape. Not a pretty sight. Their rants about the show were filled with indignation and disgust.
Unfortunately, they declined to put their words into print, for to do so would be to admit to the world that they had watched the program. They were voyeurs who had glimpsed something seedy, and then, outraged and fascinated, could not turn their eyes away. No, this wouldn't speak well for the emancipated woman.
The TV special had women compete in a pageant to find a bride for a multi-millionaire whose identity would not be revealed to them or the audience until the winner was selected.
As Rick Rockwell, real estate investor, sometime comic and alleged girlfriend abuser -- the story keeps getting worse, and therefore juicier every day -- whisked bride Darva Conger off on their honeymoon, we cackled and tsk tsked.
"That's it, this is the end of the world," said one person. "Society can't sink any lower."
What a lightweight. Everyone knows there is no limit as to how low Americans can go.
My boss asked me if I had seen the show, and when I said I
hadn't, he said, "Good for you!" as if I had won a medal of honor. If he had stuck around longer, I would have added, "... but it's only because I wasn't home."
In fact, I was out with a friend and I recall the point of realizing that I could have been at home watching the spectacle. At that point, I made a mental note to run this guy's photo the next day. Inquiring minds would want to know the who and how much of his identity.
THE buzz continued through Friday as we compared the TV transaction to prostitution, slave trading and shopping for mail order brides. But after all that, I could not bring myself to judge these people. This is America, after all, and everyone has the right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, as long as they're not infringing on anyone else's right to the same.
Lacking much inner life, Americans also have the inalienable right to be as shallow and stupid as they want to be, while cultivating poor taste - extreme wrestling anyone? - for the sake of entertainment.
In the long run, Rockwell and Conger both got what they wished for, and I pity them for not having set their aims any higher. To pin one's future happiness on a one-time meeting could be compared to walking out of the house and latching on to the first person you see.
Finding one's soul mate is tough work. It took about 28 years for me to find mine, and this after having started checking out the scenery when I was 4 years old. Back then, the boys tried to show affection by eating insects of my choosing. This progressed to playing drum sticks on my head and eventually, some managed to evolve enough to learn to cook dinner.
Maybe there are lucky people - such as high school sweethearts who marry - who get it right the first time. But the rest of us endure heartbreak at some point.
As ugly and painful as the search may be, it's not one I would have given up for a million or two the easy way. The search for romance has been a source of drama, adventure and a million laughs, ending with something real that money can't buy.
Judging from the latest stories, I think both millionaire and bride by now have realized their terrible mistake.
Nadine Kam is features editor.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
quirks and quandaries. If you have something to say, write it and
send it to: The Goddess Speaks, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O.
Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802, or send e-mail
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