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The Goddess Speaks
MY husband and I watched proudly as our son marched in his Halloween school parade wearing a hard hat and the tool belt I had cut to fit. Taylor, then 5, leaned against the fence as the camera clicked. Calling all
Big Brothers Big Sisters benefits
Big Brothers"That'll be a good one," Carl said. He was a photographer and a good one.
I asked how he could tell, eager for his insight on something he could not yet see.
"It's a feeling."
With our universe of three intact, I never thought I'd ever have to call on Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Hawaii. My husband died in an accident four days later.
Reaching out for help is often viewed as weakness, when really, it is a strength to know when help is necessary.
Although I didn't call BBBS, who offer to spend time free of charge with qualified children in need of a role model, I would have paid a colleague, Mike, to spend "guy time" with my son.
Mike Rovner is a former Big Brother. Now married with his own family, even if I did have the gumption to ask, I knew he wouldn't have time. I never asked. And I didn't make the call to Big Brothers.
Nothing will ever replace a father's love. Carl did the mundane, responsible things that fathers do. He gave big hugs and shoulder rides as well. My husband could turn routine park strolls into adventures where fallen tree branches were poisonous snakes to conquer and jungle gyms were masts of ships subject to their pirate attacks.
The hugs from daddy now will come from memories like these.
It was Christmastime '97 and Taylor and I were lazing at home when Mike dropped by, asking if we'd join him in last-minute shopping. My little boy's eyes sparkled as we got into his car, as they did every time Mike addressed him that day. Mike showed Taylor, now 6, his favorite comics store with action figure toys lined wall-to-wall. I was in the background now as the two shared Guy Time.
I called BBBS the next day and was sorry it took me so long.
Big Brothers are in short supply. Not enough men are willing to volunteer to spend a few hours a week to mentor a little boy. Because of the lack, there's at least a 6-month wait for a Big Brother, I was told. Then would come interviews. Then, more waiting for appropriate matches for Taylor. And more waiting as I screen matches.
It took a year to make the top of the list. Months passed. I thought Taylor, now 7, had become indifferent to our quest when, one day, a Big Brothers/ Big Sisters truck pulled up next to our car. He saw the words on the truck and said, "Mom, maybe I didn't pass the test; maybe I won't get a Big Brother."
I managed to explain that his interview wasn't a test.
If more men volunteered, it might have been quicker to find someone like Robert Chadwick whom I decided was the right Big Brother for Taylor.
Although BBBS thoroughly screens volunteers, it was a leap of faith, trusting a stranger with my child. But in no time, Taylor could recite a list of favorite things they do. They play catch, hit baseballs, and sometimes just go riding in his convertible. Taylor looks forward to each outing.
I don't know what's in the hardwiring of busy men like Mike and Robert who give their time without condition, but I'm grateful for people like them.
Through his life, Taylor will make connections and anoint heroes. He'll seek out and find his own role models. Robert just met him halfway by signing up.
Taylor will grow up to be a fine human being, just like his father. It's a feeling.
Ruby Mata-Viti is a features copy editor/page designer. | | |
Keiki Fest, March 25, 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., Kahala Mall. Games, food booths, arts and crafts. BIG BROTHERS
BIG SISTERS BENEFITS
Gourmet Affair, April 22, 6 to 10 p.m., Hilton Hawaiian Village. Meet celebrity chefs Ming Tsai, Sam Choy. Tickets: $200 Call 521-3811.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
quirks and quandaries. If you have something to say, write it and
send it to: The Goddess Speaks, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O.
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