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PTSA president
glad to help isle
children
John Friedman has put his
professional life on hold to
advocate for studentsThe foundation for John Friedman's activism in educational issues came when he laid a foundation -- literally, for his daughter's school playground. That was five years ago. Now the Kauai man is president of the 33,000-member Hawaii State Parent Teacher Student Association and point man for the organization at the state Capitol, as lawmakers wrestle with proposed reforms to the school system.
Friedman, 39, is not your ordinary lobbyist. He came to Hawaii about 20 years ago from Boulder, Colo., and describes his professional experience as "eclectic."
Perspectives from
John Friedman
HAWAII PARENT TEACHER STUDENT
ASSOCIATION PRESIDENT'My father imparted upon me the understanding that we must do right by people.'
At one time an executive chef, he opened an ice cream shop and gift store on the Garden Island before settling into construction. He lives with his wife, Dabney, a hotel executive, and daughter Meredith, 11.
Hawaii leads the nation in male PTSA participation, and Friedman is the 14th male president of the group. His father, Robert, 70, was a mediator; his mother, Meredith Kopald, was an English teacher.
Star-Bulletin writer Crystal Kua interviewed Friedman at the PTSA's third-floor office on Ualena Street.
He spoke in a warm, well-modulated voice, with an occasional deep chuckle.
Following are excerpts:
Question: How did you become involved with the PTSA?
Answer: Like many parents, I originally became involved in PTA by just buying a membership card, and felt that it was important that I help support the local parent group. I was a young father and hadn't really participated in PTA for the first several years, and then a guy by the name of Larry Fernandez, who is still very active with PTA on Kauai, got me involved with campus improvement. I'm a construction worker by trade, and I helped to pour slab and paint playground equipment and install irrigation systems at Kapaa Elementary School.
Q: What finally motivated you to become active?
A: I think the reality of a PTA is that many people view us as an organization that has meetings. I was not and still am not a person who thrives on meetings. When Larry showed me that there were many ways in which I could help my child and other children in the community -- other than attending a meeting -- that became a very important aspect for me. Of course, there are some important things that go on at meetings, and I was slowly indoctrinated into those.
Q: Why do you feel parents should attend these meetings?
A: I think parents should attend meetings ... to get to know the people that their children spend most of their day with. And we all know that it's a proven fact that if you're involved in your child's school, your child will be more successful than if you're not involved. We hand our children over to teachers for a majority of the day, and yet oftentimes we don't know who they're spending time with, what they're studying, who their friends are.
Q: How did you find time to get involved?
A: It's difficult. Like many other families in the state of Hawaii, both my wife and I work. I was in the construction business during the boom years of the '80s, and I didn't have as much time as I would have liked to spend with my children. I was too busy making a living. But I think that there comes a time in your life, at least in my life, where I realized that your children are only children for a short period and that you need to be involved during those formative years in order to give them the best chance in life.
Q: Was there anything in particular that made you start thinking that way?
A: I currently have children that are 24, 20 and 11, and as my two older children were in the throes of adolescence I think is when I realized that I didn't know who their friends were, what they were learning in high school. I guess it was that transformation from child to adolescent that really was the kind of slap in the face that I needed to say, "You really need to get involved before they're adults."
Q: Do you have a good and maybe not-so-good experience on a school welcoming your input?
A: Well, I had a wonderful experience at Kapaa Elementary School with Cliff Bailey, the principal. Once he realized that I was anxious to be involved, he not only welcomed me but also helped to educate me as to why schools run the way they do, how they run, his personal goals for the school and for his students, and how I could best help him.
The PTSA is a child advocacy organization; it is not a cheering section for other members of the school community. I personally have had primarily good experiences in school. However, I am party to some negative experiences that folks have had because of my position. It's my impression oftentimes that the greatest difficulty that parents have is not feeling that they are valued or welcomed within schools.
Q: Were your parents involved in PTA or in those kinds of organizations?
A: My father's always been involved in community service, although I can't say that I ever recall him being at a PTA meeting.
He worked as a paralegal with native American Indian rights. And his love of mediation is just one that comes from believing that there are better ways to solve problems than in the courtroom. I wholeheartedly agree with him.
My mom was a schoolteacher both in public, first, and then later in private schools. And she is one of those kind of unsung heroes. Ten years after retiring, she still gets phone calls from past students to update their whereabouts and their career accomplishments. I think it speaks to how important teachers are to us as a society.
Q: What kind of lessons do you think your children have taught you?
A: Oh, boy. Children certainly teach you patience. And we often laugh about that, but it is true. We always want our children to never make the mistakes we made, to listen to everything that we have to say and treat our wisdom as if it were their own. Of course, that wouldn't make life very fun. Oftentimes, in order for our children to learn how to walk, they have to take some big falls, and before you know it, they're runners and surfers and soccer players.
Q: Do you have suggestions on how parents can maybe allow their children to teach them things?
A: It's a good question, but the question really is, How do you develop good relationships with your children? And time in front of the television set is time in front of the television set. Time talking to your child is time talking to your child. And I far prefer the latter to the former. It's hard to remember back to the pressures you felt as a middle-school child and the insecurities about the changes we all go through during adolescence. And those things are all very real for our children today, and sometimes we just need to sit back and talk to them in order to have our memories jogged.
Q: Now that you're president, how do you find time to juggle all these responsibilities on top of trying to keep involved in your children's lives?
A: Well, it's tough. I try to religiously take Sunday and Monday off. "Try" is the key word here. One day to spend with my youngest, who is now 11 years old -- it's lucky for me that my two oldest are grown -- and then one day, while my daughter's at school, to spend with my wife.
However, during legislative session that's not always possible. And you will occasionally see me testifying on Mondays. I have a wonderfully supportive wife who is an employee at the Kauai Marriott. It would be impossible for me to do it without her.
Q: What did you say to your family when you decided to run for president?
A: Well, I sat down with them and let them know that I've been asked to run by several people. And that it would be a tremendous sacrifice, that it would mean that I would not be making as much money because I've almost completely ceased to work during this time. And that it would mean long, hard hours, especially during the legislative session. My wife has always known me to be involved in community service. I was involved in mediation through Kauai Economic Opportunity. So although I didn't completely blindside her, after several days of discussion, she knew that I would be unhappy if I did not follow my dreams, my goals.
Q: But did she and your daughter also realize how it would help your daughter and other children, too?
A: Yeah, I think that both she and my daughter realize that what I was doing would directly impact the lives of children throughout the state, and they share my love for Hawaii and gave me their blessings. My older children sometimes wonder a little bit, though. They are sometimes confused by the political nature of their father.
The Hawaii State PTSA legislative priorities are: PTSA LEGISLATIVE ISSUES
