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Honolulu Lite
THERE have been a number of extremely odd news stories coming over the wires recently. But the one that fascinates me is about the twin 12-year-old boys who lead a group of rebels in battle in the southeast Asian country of Myanmar, previously known as Burma. Some kids fight
the darndest warsThe brothers, Johnny and Luther Htoo, command the 100 guerrilla-strong God's Army, who with other rebel groups are fighting Myanmar's military regime.
I'm showing my geo-stupidity here, but it's hard to believe that all of the stories about this bizarre conflict are not simply being made up by some wire service night clerk in Bangkok and sent around the world for a hoot.
The pictures of the brothers look like something staged for the Neiman-Marcus Battle Line for Tykes Collection catalog. They stand there in their little fatigues, smiling at the camera while holding really big rifles. In one picture, one of the little generals appears to be smoking a cigar or a marijuana joint the size of a baby's arm. According to the impeccable reporting by the wire service bureau, or at least its night cleanup crew, the boys do not allow their men to drink, swear or take drugs. So it's probably a cigar in the kid's gob.
Guess it's hard to tell a 12-year-old kid with a standing army that smoking is bad for him.
I think when two children are allowed to command their own fighting force in a guerrilla insurgency against a government, maybe the parents were just a little too lax in the discipline department. But, hey, it's a little too late to say, "Luther, Johnny, you've been bad little boys. Put down your automatic weapons and go to your room."
OTHER details that make me skeptical of the veracity of this story are the names involved. The largest rebel group is called the Karen National Union. Not a name that would strike fear into the hearts of commanders of a couple of divisions of tanks. (Ooooh, here come the Karens. Look, there's a battalion of Heathers over there. And isn't that the Barbie Brigade providing "close hair' support?")
Another rebel group allied with the Brothers Htoo (pronounced "htoo") is the Vigorous Burmese Student Warriors. Vigorous Burmese Student Warriors? Come on. This cannot be for real.
You can practically see the wire service wags gathered around the teletype machine dreaming up fanciful names for supposed rebel groups. Let's see, how about the Strenuous Student Instigators. Or the Busty Battle-mongers of Woo. Or the Excitable Calculus Majors from Dorm B. Or the Irritable Burmese Student Vigilantes.
No, they settled on the Vigorous Burmese Student Warriors, a name that implies that what the students might lack in firepower, they will make up with youthful zeal and collegial vitality.
Despite my reservations, I'm afraid that the story essentially is true. If so, it is a sad reflection on our times. It's one thing when a 7-year-old kid like Elian Gonzalez is used as a political Ping-Pong ball by Cuban and American adults and another when fanatical adults allow a couple of 12-year-olds to believe that they can divinely lead an army into battle.
Luther and Johnny Htoo should be in school, vigorously learning how to conjugate verbs and start food fights in the cafeteria. They shouldn't be in the jungle playing war with real bullets.
As a father, I suggest that what's needed here before the kids are killed is a nice long time out. For everyone.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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