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Honolulu Lite
SOME military families living at Schofield Barracks apparently have been visited by some of our little furry island friends, namely rats. Getting to know
pests of paradiseAnd they are upset. One woman complained that a rat ate her pet parrot. That's surprising. I've never heard of a rat eating a parrot. I thought they were partial to canaries.
Another woman complained that not only are there rats, there are also termites, ants and cockroaches. Which raises the question: What, no centipedes?
It's hard to move from the mainland to a tropical place where it seems that everything outdoors wants to come indoors. Schofield officials have tried to explain to military families that having critters running around is part of life on a Pacific island. But it's one thing to be told about Asian cockroaches, and another to see one of the monsters munching on your toothbrush.
MAYBE our military visitors need a short primer for handling the local wildlife. Feel free to distribute this column to new arrivals. I hope this helps:
1. Everything in Hawaii is either eating or being eaten. That includes your house. A house is simply a very expensive piece of termite food. Termites live underground until breeding time, when they swarm out into the night sky to make hoochie-koochie in numbers that would make Alfred Hitchcock freak out. Don't panic; they don't bite. They are attracted to light, so if you turn off yours, they'll go to your neighbors' houses.
2. We don't have snakes in Hawaii. We do have mongooses. A mongoose is like a 2-foot-long rat with a long nose and sharp teeth. They were brought to Hawaii to kill rats, but the two species apparently made a deal to leave each other alone. Now we have both mongooses and rats, so their deal worked out pretty well.
3. There are two types of rats in Hawaii: the kind that live in your house and the kind that live in your garage. They eat anything (See: Parrot, above). We once found a rat hanging by his teeth in the back of our clothes dryer. He apparently electrocuted himself while lunching on a hot wire. The only way to deal with a rat is to trap it. The snap traps are effective, but kind of gruesome. (Nothing like waking up to a smashed rat head in your kitchen.) The live cage traps work, but then you have to deal with the rascals later. I usually blindfold them, take them on a long ride and let them out in a desolate area. They'll try to follow you home, so drive real fast after you dump them.
4. The big black birdlike things that come into your house at night are cockroaches. They, too, are attracted to light, but also food. It's best just to shoot these things. You folks on Schofield probably have the necessary fire power. I suggest something in the .45 caliber range. Twenty-twos will just bounce off of them.
5. Ants. They're everywhere. What can you do? Clean your dishes as soon as you're done eating. Better yet, eat on your driveway. Don't leave out a scrap of food anywhere (this will deter the roaches, too.) Buy a truck load of ziplock-type plastic bags and keep everything in them, from bread to crackers. Heck, get the super-large size and zip up your refrigerator. Don't bother to spray them with insecticide; it only excites them and causes them to call for re-enforcements.
6. Most of all, enjoy your tour of duty in lovely Hawaii. And wear Off.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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