Changing Hawaii
GOT a letter the other day from the first lady, namely "Mrs. C." No, no, not Vicky T. Cayetano of United Laundry and Washington Place, but Hillary R. Clinton of the United States of America and Washington, D.C. Dear Hillary:
Check isnt in the mailDon't know how her campaign cronies got my home address, but I know one thing: They don't read my column.
Pshaw. Not that I'm such hot stuff. But if they'd seen it, they wouldn't have wasted 33 cents to solicit the author of a lengthy July 9, 1999, essay titled, "10 reasons why Hillary shouldn't run."
The gist of the piece was that Mrs. Clinton mustn't waste her time and talents coveting a U.S. senatorial seat from New York since it's a no-win, no-appreciation, no-upside situation.
But does she listen? Noooo. Instead, what do I get but her prim, personalized beige stationery, on which it says in part:
"You and I have been through a lot together. We have pulled together many times, often in the face of strong opposition, on campaigns for shared ideas and ideals. We have come together to make our voices heard on issues of vital importance to our families and communities. I hope you'll agree that because of this, our country is a better place than it was in 1992.
"You may not be able to travel across New York with me, but in a very real sense, I am counting on you to be by my side. Please stay in touch with me if you can through my Web site, www.hillary2000.org, or write to me (U.S. Senate Exploratory Committee Inc., 450 Seventh Ave., Suite 803-804, New York, N.Y. 10123).
"I hope you will help me launch this effort by sending as generous a financial donation as you can afford. Together, I believe we can make great progress for the people of this nation.
"I appreciate your friendship, I look forward to hearing your ideas, and I thank you for your support.
"Sincerely, Hillary Rodham Clinton.
And, in a handwritten P.S., she said, "Getting off to a strong start is very important. Your decision to help right now would mean so much."
ALOHA Mrs. C.: Greetings from the islands, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin and the people of Hawaii.
Mahalo for your letter and the handy "personal reply" postcard that says, "Yes! I want to be among the first to offer my personal support with the enclosed donation of $(blank)."
Unfortunately, I am unable to send money at this time for the following reasons:
Running for the U.S. Senate is beneath you and compromises the dignity of the role of the first lady.
You can effect more positive social change (and make more money) by staying out of active politics after your husband's term is pau.
Nobody who just bought a $1.7 million home in Chappaqua is getting a penny from me.
Rudy Giuliani appears unbeatable, because he will stoop as low as jailing the homeless to win.
You should spend more time with Chelsea. You should have more time for yourself.
If you really want to avoid Bill, just get a divorce like the rest of us.
Help Al Gore with his campaign because, at this rate, he's going to lose the party's presidential nod.
This nation isn't ready, willing and able to handle another Clinton in office.
P.S. As for your comment that this is a "better place than it was in 1992," um, have you been to Hawaii lately?
Diane Yukihiro Chang's column runs Monday and Friday.
She can be reached by phone at 525-8607, via e-mail at
dchang@starbulletin.com, or by fax at 523-7863.