LIKE everybody else this time of year, I'm asked six times a day, "So, are you ready for Christmas?" Christmas is here—
ready or notThe answer is yes, I'm completely ready -- if it counts to ignore the whole thing and hope it will go away.
Here we are a week from Christmas and I've done absolutely no shopping. It's too late to do it the easy way and buy online. There's no way I can be sure of delivery in a week. Sooner or later, I'm going to have to face the malls.
It's not that the shopping burden on me is so heavy. My wife Maggie is a generous soul who loves to buy presents for people. She handles all of the Christmas shopping for the family. All I have to do is allow her to put my name on the cards.
I used to involve myself in selecting gifts for our children, but that's no longer necessary. They're not bashful about telling us exactly what to get. Such as, "I need a 17-inch Sony Trinitron monitor for my computer." Or, "Just get me an economy Hallmark card and fill it with a large sum of cash."
But I like to personally pick out one present for my 3-year-old grandson Corwin and I have to find gifts for a few people I work with. And of course there's Maggie. I can't expect her to buy her own gift.
There's some unfairness there, though. Maggie's birthday is in December and I have to come up with two gift ideas for her within a month. She much prefers giving to receiving and won't give me the slightest hint of what she wants. So I usually settle on some object after much angst, buy one of the most expensive specimens of its kind and hope it passes muster.
This year I did come up with two good gift ideas for Maggie. Unfortunately, in a fit of affection and munificence, I gave them both to her for her birthday. I asked her last week if she would be willing to consider one of the two an early Christmas present, but she politely declined.
Chris, the cafeteria guy in our building, was telling the computer guy Scot about a group of women in the building who make quick shopping trips to Ala Moana Center during lunch hour.
"With all the traffic on Kapiolani and parking problems at Ala Moana, I don't see how they do it," Chris said. "They tell me they have to be well-prepared and focused -- know in advance what they want, go in and get it and get out. They call it 'mission shopping.' "
"In other words, how men shop all the time," said Scot.
ALL men except little boys, that is. The last time I took Corwin to a toy store, I expected him to choose the first thing that looked interesting and get me out of there quickly. But he toured every aisle in the store and carefully inspected every piece of merchandise before he made his selection -- a little $6 car when I was willing to go much more.
If he shops so conscientiously, how can I disrespect him by just dashing into the store and buying him the first thing I see?
So like a dummy, I've procrastinated my way into having to hit the malls the last weekend before Christmas. I have a feeling I won't be alone. See you there?
David Shapiro is managing editor of the Star-Bulletin.
He can be reached by e-mail at editor@starbulletin.com.
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