The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
WE all know what happens when we assume. Well, maybe not everyone knows. Childless couple’s lament
Like your column writer two weeks ago, when people find out that I've been married for 12-1/2 years and have no children, they make assumptions. Of all the curious people my husband and I have met, 99.99 percent tend to assume that we:
a) Don't like or want children;
b) Don't have the time or need for children;
c) Have an unstable marriage;
d) Plan to have children later.
We rarely escape the following questions:
a) Don't you want children?;
b) Aren't you planning to have children?;
c) You still don't have children, why not?;
d) How old are you? Oh, you still have time.
These curious types eventually get me to admit that my husband and I have tried for many years, but were unable to have children. Unfortunately, the questions don't stop there.
These kind people next feel obliged to inform us about all the current medical procedures they've heard about -- infertility treatments, surgeries, medications -- or all about the "miracle baby" stories they have watched on "Dateline" or some other TV news magazine.
EVEN after we explain that we've already spent many years, thousands of dollars and experienced more heartache than we should have to, they still seem to feel the need to "help us" and continue telling stories of friends of friends who finally had a child.
To make matters worse, they somehow come up with jokes and comments such as:
a) I'll bet if you stopped trying so hard you would get pregnant;
b) If you "did it" every day for a month you would get pregnant;
c) God has a reason for everything;
d) Are you sure you're doing it right? Ha-ha.
These comments only add to the hurt of not being able to have children.
People next move onto the subject of adoption, informing us how "easy" it is, as though we could just run out and pick up our child. Again, we must endure hearing the extent of their knowledge on a process we already know about firsthand.
For those who may one day meet a childless couple, please remember this story and try to ease up on the couple or avoid asking too many questions that may be considered hurtful.
For now, we continue to borrow our friends' simple, one-line explanation that "We were not blessed with children" and hope that's enough of an answer.
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