The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
WOMEN must have been created to be baby-making machines. At least, one might get that impression after seeing the looks I receive after I tell people that my husband and I may not have more children in response to their question, "Are there any more on the way?" More than just
birthin’ babiesThe looks we get range from shock to dismay.
The questions that arise from our sentiments seem to be endless. People are quick to suggest, "Oh, your son will be lonely, he needs a brother or sister" or "Aren't you going to at least try for a girl." Another popular belief, "You are still young, you have to have more."
After pondering the issue, the idea that so many people view me as a baby maker, acting as if my sole purpose in life is to reproduce, is somewhat disheartening.
The reasoning behind this concept seems to be that women are the living equivalent of a soda or bank machine. No deposit ... no return. It is no wonder that women get no respect. What's wrong with the idea of having a life of one's own, with or without kids.
Even more surprising, remarks like those above actually stir feelings of guilt within me. Am I being selfish by choosing not to have more children? Isn't it more selfish to bring children into a world of hardships when you don't have enough time to provide them with proper guidance and meet their needs?
My husband and I have discussed many times whether or not we should have any more children. We decided that at this point in our lives, we should not. I am trying to finish my education and he is working on building his business.
WE are lucky to have been blessed with our beautiful son. Since he is the only child, we are able to provide him with quality time and an abundance of one-on-one attention. He is able to treasure our family time without have to fight and compete with anyone else.
As for the idea of my son being lonely, that just isn't the case. Outside of our attention, he spends a lot of time with extended family, including his grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins. He also has many friends his own age. He goes to the park, zoo and museums. Daddy even takes him to a play group once a week.
Another factor in our decision not to have another child is that the economy these days is often unsteady, making it difficult to raise a child. In most families' circumstances, two parents need to work to support a family, unlike the days when moms could stay at home until their children reached school age.
Because of the levels of competitiveness in schools and the work place, today's children are forced to grow up more quickly, which means they require more undivided attention at an early age if they are to learn how to make educated choices throughout their lives.
I feel sorry for those who pry into other's lives. I imagine they must be extremely bored by their own lives. As soon as you find a boyfriend or girlfriend, they are waiting for you to get married. As soon as you are married, they are waiting for you to have kids.
Maybe we should start mating like wild animals, with random partners, just so that we can pop out a child every nine months. At that point, the busybodies will no doubt start asking when you plan to stop having children.
Nancy Arcayna is an editorial clerk for the Star-Bulletin.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
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