The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
A few weeks ago I attended my 20th high school class reunion. I was reluctant to go because I had been an outcast when I was in school. Revenge of the
nerds: ReunionsDuring my sophomore year, I moved to Hawaii, transferring from a high school in Los Angeles to Kaiser High School. As if switching high schools was not bad enough, 20 years ago, being from California was like being from Mars.
Teen-agers are known to have low to no self-esteem and I was no different. I stuck out like a sore thumb. No matter how friendly I tried to be toward the other girls, I was labeled as an outcast. I was made to feel bad.
However, I was not alone. There was a male version of me. He, too, transferred in the middle of high school and was given a hard time by the other guys. There was absolutely no acceptance for us, particularly by the popular crowd.
The night of my reunion, I saw one of my old classmates sitting by herself and I walked over to talk to her. I had always liked her in high school. She had almost a bored look on her face and confided that she did not know why she was at the reunion.
I asked her why she felt that way and she said, "Look at this room, Lisa. The popular crowd is huddled together, the rowdy group is in the back and the rest of us are right here. Twenty years have gone by and nothing has changed."
I acknowledged her observation, but I also added, "For us our lives started after high school. For most of the popular crowd, their highest moments were the days of high school."
She said she remembered how cruel some of the girls were toward me, but I said that they did me a favor. Because of their cruelty, I became a more sensitive person. The experience taught me never to treat an "outsider" poorly because they were different or new.
All through college and law school, even when I lived in Japan, I made a special effort to help make those new to a situation feel comfortable. I always feel myself drawn toward those who do not "fit in" and I have made many friends this way. Maybe I wouldn't be blessed with having these people in my life had my high school years been different.
AFTER I told her this, she lightened up and had a great time. I did too. I realized that those of us who were not cheerleaders, football players, or on the prom court were involved in the drama club, school newspaper and yearbook. All these activities helped us later in life.
The interesting thing is that so many of us who were unpopular and nerdy ended up happy. Remember my male counterpart? Today he is an international businessman who is happily married with a beautiful little girl (and, having worked out, could now take on any of the guys who picked on him in high school).
Another guy is a successful journalist, and then there is the guy who became a college professor. He joked that if in high school he had known how things would have turn out, he wouldn't have been hurt by all the cruelty inflicted upon him.
I guess you could say my reunion gave me closure, even though some of the girls had not changed and are still snobs.
I saw the people I really wanted to see, including a few who were the exception -- very popular and NICE during high school. It was nice to see the happiness on their faces as they spoke of their lives.
Lisa Dohrn is married, a mother of one,
a model, author and attorney in Hawaii.
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