Honolulu Lite
IN the past, rich people and movie stars would check into drug clinics or join weird cults in order to get attention. Now, they choose to run for the office of president of the United States. Hey Donald,
donate your
money to meWouldn't it be better for society if Warren Beatty, Donald Trump and Cybil Shepard got together, figured out how much money they will be squandering on hopeless presidential bids and then do something worthwhile with that money, like, say, send it to me?
Think of all the millions of dollars just these three knucklehead candidates are going to be spending to campaign. And where does the money go? Television companies, advertising agencies and Kinko's. They don't need money, I need money.
For the price of one brochure about all the great things Donald Trump has done for America (Trump Tower, Trump Taj Mahal, Trump Tramps, Trump Divorcees Association, etc.) I could paint my house. Now, I know that in the big scheme of things, painting my house isn't a high priority. But at least something productive would be done with the money.
I'm not sure what political persuasion Donald Trump is. I think he might belong to the Fat Cat Poofy Haired I Got More Money Than You Republican Democratic Reformation Party Corp. But Beatty and Shepard are typical Hollywood liberals. They raise money for causes like the Canine Herpes Control Project, the Lab Rat Unionization League and the Tree Huggers Against Hurricanes, Tornados and Other Mean Nature Thingys That Destroy Bunny Habitat Organization but they are really theoretical liberals.
They throw money at certain causes, but they don't actually get their Gucci loafers muddy. You'll won't see a Warren Beatty or a Cybil Shepard working in a soup kitchen or hanging out with a ghetto neighborhood watch patrol. That is, unless there are some cameras around.
They do just enough to make them feel good about their lives, just enough so that no one can accuse them of being the overpaid hairdos they actually are. So here's a chance for them to actually do something to help all those little people they've been stepping over their entire lives.
HERE'S a chance for them to NOT run for president of the United States. My perception of these overcapitalized media darlings would change immediately if they simply held a press conference and made the following announcement: "I've asked you here to announce that I am launching a campaign NOT to become president. During this campaign, I will refuse to take any donations. In fact, all the millions of dollars that I would have spent running for office will be immediately sent to charities around the country and to buy books and other education al supplies for the nation's schools.
"I feel that I can be more use to the country NOT running for president than running. Sure, I've got a few issues I want to address. But I feel the American people will pay more attention to my point of view on these subjects if I were to expend much of my vast wealth on the poor and needy instead of giving it to Dan Rather.
"Thank you for coming. I hope that I can count on your support in my effort to stay out of the White House."
Wouldn't that be great? And think of the precedent. Soon, NOT running for president would be come THE THING for all the Hollywood glitterati to do. Everyone would be NOT running for president, sending large chunks of their fortunes directly where it can do the most good: the homeless, education, AIDS awareness and painting my house.
Charles Memminger, winner of
National Society of Newspaper Columnists
awards in 1994 and 1992, writes "Honolulu Lite"
Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Write to him at the Honolulu Star-Bulletin,
P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802
or send E-mail to charley@nomayo.com or
71224.113@compuserve.com.
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