Thursday, August 19, 1999

’Bows’ closed practices:
‘The X’s-and-O’s Files’

June Jones won't let anyone in to see the 'Bows practice at Aloha Stadium. So what's the big secret? Maybe nothing

By Paul Arnett
Star-Bulletin

PSSST. Hey buddy. Get down, will you? You're gonna blow my cover."

The guy in army fatigues peeked over the back of the Aloha Stadium seat - field glasses in one hand, a long-range Nikon camera in the other.

He had a directional microphone sitting on the Section E seat in front of him. It was pointed toward a tall guy dressed all in black, walking down the middle of the football field.

By now, the Aloha Stadium worker is feeling a little nervous. He was sent to this South end zone location with the expressed purpose to see who this goofball was attending last night's closed Hawaii football practice.

"I've been here since early this morning," the guy said as he pulled out a flattened bologna sandwich from his back pocket. He took a bite, put the glasses to his face to see what the Rainbows were up to, then drew a bead on the Aloha Stadium worker.

"You here to see what head coach June Jones is really up to? I know the formation down there looks like the run-and-shoot. But don't let that fool you. They're really going to use Paul Johnson's old spread option attack. Believe me, I don't miss a trick."

The Aloha Stadium worker doesn't know if he should reach for his cellular phone to call stadium director Eddie Hayashi. Or play it cool in case this guy really wigs out.

"Me, I haven't missed a practice this decade," the man said. "Bob Wagner tried to close the gate, I ducked under it. Fred vonAppen, too. Oh, they tell everybody they come out here and practice the same way they do at Cooke Field, but don't believe it. These closed-door sessions are where they break out the real playbook."

Suddenly, the man in army fatigues put on a set of headphones hooked into the directional microphone. He took the camera, sharpened the focus on the zoom lens and said, "Hey, that looks like Hugh Yoshida down there. Somebody must have forgot to tell him practice is closed."

The Aloha Stadium worker casually took a seat. No point in alarming this guy unduly. He is obviously three trophies shy of a showcase.

"Yeah, I read the other day that Coach Jones is going to use this practice just like any other. They'll run the same plays on offense, use the same schemes on defense. And the only reason they even came out here this late is so the players don't get the new rug pulled out from under them.

"But come on. Coaches invented paranoia. I got this microphone trained right on Jones, so when he tells the players to open the secret playbook, I'll have him on tape."

By now, the Aloha Stadium worker knew he would have to say something. But remember what the handbook read, he thought to himself. When confronted with a nut, try not to crack him over the head while he's looking.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me. Coach Jones doesn't want anyone from the public or media up here."

"The media. Who said I was with the media? Do I look like a reporter? Those guys wouldn't know a good piece of electronic equipment from a Barbie camera and walkie-talkies. I'm just a concerned season-ticket holder wanting to know what I'm getting for my money. Wait a minute. Something's happening down there."

On the field, quarterback Dan Robinson tried to find the X receiver dragging across the middle of the field while the other three wideouts take their defensive backs deep, just like any other practice.

There's linebacker Jeff Ulbrich sniffing out the shovel pass same as he ever was. And there's Eric Hannum trying to knock it through the uprights, only these don't seem as wide as the ones at Cooke Field.

"Somebody must have spotted us, because I swear this practice is as unrevealing as any other," the guy said, rising stiffly to his feet. He gathered up his equipment, took a bite out of his sandwich before stuffing it in his back pocket and headed down the spiral staircase, the Aloha Stadium worker in tow.

"I've obviously got to work harder on my surveillance techniques," the guy said. "The good thing is, I have a couple of days to work on it in my back yard before the closed practice on Sunday."