The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
THE recently single adult male can be one of the most befuddled creatures on the planet. Sisterly advice for
the single maleMen who understand the stock market inside and out, are stumped by the singles market. Most don't have the slightest idea of how to attract a woman's interest.
I was recruited to offer advice. As an old married woman, I'm out of touch with the dating scene myself, so I culled the following tips from some brilliant female minds. You can't have their phone numbers.
The tips assume the man in question is a decent human being who would be worth getting to know if not for a somewhat rumpled facade. If that isn't true, the rest of this is useless.
Our tips for the single man:
Appearance: Get contacts or a new pair of glasses. Yes, in spite of the "Austin Powers" movies -- remember, he was in a deep freeze for about 30 years -- eyeglass frames have moved beyond wire or black plastic.
Get a haircut and re-think your facial hair.
Bathe. Brush your teeth. Women like to be close to things that smell good.
Wear a conservative pink shirt. Women like a man who will wear pink. It shows you have a sense of humor and are secure in your sexuality.
Burn every pair of polyester slacks you own. Get pants that fit and do not wear your wallet in your back pocket. Billfold bulge is not sexy.
Buy one well-made suit that is cut to suit your body type. If you have no idea what that means, think of a friend who dresses well and make him or her go shopping with you.
As frivolous as these things might sound, they do matter. Bottom line: the better you feel about how you look, the better you look.
Take a cue from Adam Sandler's new movie, "Big Daddy." If you have children, take them out in public. If you don't, offer to babysit for a friend. Women find parental responsibility very sexy. At the very least, your friend will think you are wonderful.
Learn that you don't have to choose between being a doormat and being a jerk. A woman wants a man who stands up for himself, but also is willing to admit when he is wrong.
Know that there is a fine line between vulnerable and pathetic. If you're still wallowing over lost love, wallow alone.
Don't talk stink about your ex. A smart woman will realize hers is possibly the next name you will be taking in vain.
Reach for topics of conversation that do not involve computers, relationships or your job.
Broaden your horizons. Try a new sport, hang out in a new place, go to a different beach. Even if you don't meet someone, you will learn something and likely enjoy yourself.
Remember that getting to know each other means both people get to talk and both people get to listen. Really listen.
Practice eye contact. If you can make a woman feel you are focused on her and what she is saying -- not the scenery, not the other people in the room, not her bra size -- you will impress her.
Finally, treat a woman the way you would want to be treated. Do you want to go out with someone who is self-centered, dull, condescending, cheap, whiny? Neither does she.
Stephanie Kendrick is assistant features editor.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
and is a column by and about women, our strengths, weaknesses,
quirks and quandaries. If you have something to say, write it and
send it to: The Goddess Speaks, the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, P.O.
Box 3080, Honolulu, 96802, or send e-mail
to features@starbulletin.com.