The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
THE oddest thing happened the summer before my firstborn was to go off to college. I kept shrinking her clothes. I would do the laundry, as usual, hers mixed with everyone else's in the family, and a dress, or a pair of shorts, something of hers, would come out of the wash shrunk. Time flies from
child’s birth
to graduationThis never happened before. It was as though I was hoping to shrink her back to her former child size, completely dependent on me again and not ready to leave home. I was ready to throw her into the machine if it meant I could keep my only daughter home for another precious year or two.
Graduation season is bittersweet for parents of students about to leave high school because it marks the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood for your teen. Is it possible 18 years can go by so fast?
Parents begin this process of separation and goodbyes when they hire the first babysitter, send their child off to kindergarten then to a friend's for their first sleepover, until suddenly they find themselves handing over the keys to the car for the first time. It is soon after this that parents discover none of these events are quite as dramatic, or as far-reaching as when the moment comes to send them off to college.
I know parents are supposed to rejoice in their child's independence, adventurous spirit and courage to strike out on their own. Their drive to be successful and self-sufficient is something you've been trying to nurture since toddlerhood. But then the time comes for them to leave, and you discover you needed them as much as they needed you all of these years.
AS the time got closer for my daughter to leave for college I kept trying to picture the final goodbye at the airport when she would board the plane to California from Hawaii. Would the kiss just be a peck on the cheek and a quick hug with the words, "Have fun, call home and don't forget to study."
I couldn't picture myself being quite that stoic, although I kept trying to practice that one, thinking this may be easier on her if I could pull it off. When the time came, though, I was a miserable wreck, trying to smile through the tears rolling down my cheeks nonstop. Luckily, her aunties, two special friends of mine, were there to help me say goodbye.
My twin sons, 13 at the time, were there laughing at me, saying "Mom, stop crying." They were hurting too though, and I knew they would miss their sister, even though they tried to act unaffected by it and were already arguing over which one was going to take her room.
My husband was as strong as usual, saying, "This is good for her; it's time for her to be on her own." But somewhere inside, I knew it was tearing him up, as his only daughter, with the world's sweetest smile, was about to step out on her own.
We said our goodbyes, a kiss there, a long hug that said you never want to let go, and then she left. We went back to our daily routine but there was something missing from our lives, no mistaking it. An empty spot at the dinner table, her car just sitting there on the street, abandoned. Her friends no longer calling and dropping by. Her sweet kiss and hug and "I love you, mom" as she went out the door each day.
My daughter is a sophomore in college now and the good-byes have gotten a little easier. We realize they are not final and going away has been enriching for her.
The Goddess Speaks runs every Tuesday
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