The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
PERHAPS there is no mystery to the shooting in Littleton, Colo. We, as a society, want to agonize over this. We are saying the killings are unusual and "it can't happen here." It can and it has, if on a smaller scale. Children need hope
We have set up laws that make it impossible for the "village to raise the child." If I turn in your child or scold him, I risk a lawsuit. If a teacher catches your child doing something wrong, the teacher risks a reprimand or at the least, you siding with your child.
We have failed to teach our children that life's problems are not solved in a 30-minute sitcom. We have failed to teach them loneliness is not assuaged with roller blades, Pokemon cards, or a Tickle-me Elmo.
We have not taught them that life is a constant search for self. Life is a work in progress. We haven't told them that many adults spend a good portion of their lives feeling a little lost.
In short, we haven't given our kids the tools necessary to survive in an unpredictable, uncomfortable world.
Parenting expert John Rosemond says that as parents we have a responsibility to socialize our kids. They need boundaries; they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe by the time they reach 2nd grade. They need to understand that respecting authority is a way of life and a way to stay alive. It is the grease that keeps a society functioning smoothly.
One common thread in news stories about violent children has been the comment, "They came from permissive homes" and "had a problem with authority figures." Parents who don't have the guts and the love to create boundaries may find their children in trouble in adolescence. Or, as my husband tells our kids, "If you don't get enough time-outs as a child, you get them as a grown-up."
IN 1992 I landed in Seattle when a gang war had just broken out. I got to my hotel room in time to hear a young gang member being interviewed on TV. They shoved a microphone in his face as he was being carried off to the ambulance. He said, "If I'd known how much this hurts, I never woulda shot nobody."
If we had a microphone attached to the young men who committed murder and then suicide in Littleton, I wonder if they would have said the same thing. Fantasy in an adolescent mind is outrageous. The word "adolescence" conjures up for most of us the words these young men used to describe themselves. They were awkward, out of touch, geeky, outcasts, different, "crazy." Weren't we all?
Yet, in a world full of video fantasies of blowing up cities; where virtual guns kill your enemies and you die 23 times but still win; where you no longer feel geeky and outcast, the gun symbolizes freedom.
If we could have gotten to these youths, we could have told them we all feel outcast from time to time. We all suffered in high school. While the awkwardness never completely goes away, we all learn in our own bumbling way to survive this life ... since the alternative doesn't look like much fun.
If we could have given them a ride to the future, we could have shown them their 20th high school reunion. We all have stories. You know, the ones who were popular peaked out at 20; the "late bloomers" came into their own at 40 and are successful members of the community.
Sadly, more than 20 kids in Colorado will not get that perspective. Tonight, the kids in your life can. What will you tell them? What can you give them to help them negotiate these wild waters? Tonight, give your kids the gift of perspective. Perspective defines hope. And after all, isn't hope what we all need the most?
Beth Terry is President of Pacific Rim Seminars.
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