Sports Watch

By Bill Kwon

Tuesday, March 23, 1999

There were
some winners
in sports, too

WITH the Academy Awards still fresh in our minds, I'd like to point out some of my awards with a few award-winning titles.

First, some of the movie plotlines:

"Life Is Beautiful:" For Duke, Ohio State, Connecticut and Michigan State.

"Affliction:" Sorry tale of University of Hawaii's athletic teams and their unshakable road-kill image.

"Analyze This:" Rainbow football coach June Jones conducts a psychotherapy session about UH travel woes with Fred vonAppen, Les Murakami and Riley Wallace.

"Mission Impossible:" UH football season opener against USC.

"October Sky:" June Jones gazes upward during his team's performances at Rice and Tulsa that month.

"Forces of Nature:" The Rainbow baseball team can play but the Wahine softball tournament across the road is wiped out by heavy Manoa Mist.

"True Crime:" Tale of the judges who called the heavyweight title fight between Evander Holyfield and Lennox Lewis a draw.

"Deep End of the Ocean:" How the four Texas schools and Tulsa view Hawaii as a member of the Western Athletic Conference.

"Wing Commander:" The missing link in the last UH Rainbow men's basketball season.

"8MM:" Game film of Fresno State's 51-12 snuff job on the football 'Bows.

"The Corruptor:" The on-the-take International Olympic Committee.

"Cruel Intentions:" The NCAA limits teams playing exempt basketball games in Hawaii to once every four years.

"She's All That:" Wahine basketball coach Vince Goo about BJ Itoman.

"Thin Red Line:" Iolani in the state basketball tournament.

"My Favorite Martian:" Lakers' Jerry West, describing the team's wandering star, Dennis Rodman.

"The Prince of Egypt:" UConn's widebody guard known as Khalid El-Amin, formerly known as the Pillsbury Doughboy.

"Baby Geniuses:" They dreamed up a 16-team WAC league.

"Saving Private Ryan:" John Chaney's Prop 48 program at Temple.

"Payback:" Utah's Ron McBride recruits isle prep football athletes with a vengeance.

"Pleasantville:" Denver Broncos' training camp as John Elway returns for a Super Bowl III-Peat.

"Raising Arizona:" The Dick Tomey Story.

"Pride of the Yankees:" Roger Clemens.

"My Left Foot:" UH punter Chad Shrout's junior year.

Now the awards:

Best Movie: "The Big Lebowski," or was it "The Big Lewinsky?"

Best Director: Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski.

Best Actor: Baltimore's Albert Belle as Mr. Nice Guy.

Best Supporting Actor: Don Zimmer, taking over as interim Yankee manager for Joe Torre.

Best Supporting Actress: Minnesota's academic counseling manager who did course work for 20 Gopher basketball players.

Best Screen Play: Any flat pass against Rainbow secondary.

Best Sound Effects: Wooden bats in Rainbow sweep over Pac-10's UCLA Bruins.

Best Costume: Garth Brooks in a San Diego Padres' uniform.

Best Makeup: Yankees owner George Steinbrenner and Yogi Berra.

Best Visual Effects: Erin Galloway's "Helicopter landing" at the Midnight Ohana.

Best Score: UH 56, BYU 14.